Classic Cinema.The United States is under attack by gigantic snakes. According to a report released by very boring scientists, the green anaconda, a snake which grows up to 23 feet in length, could very possibly "invade" up to 1/3 of the United States. The snake is not native to the US, but could thrive in some southern climates. Not only would the weather be right, but the snake would basically have free reign over the eco system of the United States. Most of our wildlife is not much to sneeze at, and most Americans are simply too fat to escape a giant snake. These conditions have created the perfect storm for this snake to survive.
But how will it get here? That's a good question, as it seems rather odd for a snake common only in South America to suddenly become a problem in the United States. Some scientists are choosing to say it's because pet owners, mostly in Southern areas (read: hicks) are prone to get a pet like the green anaconda, and then let it loose when it grows too large.
That would make sense, save for the part where we here at Bonus Time know that there is an Alien nation trying to destroy the planet Earth. And what better place to start then the world's favorite country? Sure Super Earth threw a dust storm at Australia, but if you bring down America the rest of the countries on Earth pretty much have to fold like a house of cards. Next time it rains take cover, because before you know it it's going to be raining fire on regular Earth, or maybe snakes, or hell... maybe fire snakes.
What can you, a mild mannered lover of your Bonus Time do about this? Try to organize local snake whacking days among your community, and be sure to take only real snake killing, accept no substitutes. Also be sure to stay on the lookout for any family members or loved ones that appear to have been consumed, or are being consumed by a snake. And lastly, don't be a retard and buy a snake to try to impress a girl or your friends. Everyone knows that's what drinking too much and tattoos are for anyway.
But how will it get here? That's a good question, as it seems rather odd for a snake common only in South America to suddenly become a problem in the United States. Some scientists are choosing to say it's because pet owners, mostly in Southern areas (read: hicks) are prone to get a pet like the green anaconda, and then let it loose when it grows too large.
That would make sense, save for the part where we here at Bonus Time know that there is an Alien nation trying to destroy the planet Earth. And what better place to start then the world's favorite country? Sure Super Earth threw a dust storm at Australia, but if you bring down America the rest of the countries on Earth pretty much have to fold like a house of cards. Next time it rains take cover, because before you know it it's going to be raining fire on regular Earth, or maybe snakes, or hell... maybe fire snakes.
What can you, a mild mannered lover of your Bonus Time do about this? Try to organize local snake whacking days among your community, and be sure to take only real snake killing, accept no substitutes. Also be sure to stay on the lookout for any family members or loved ones that appear to have been consumed, or are being consumed by a snake. And lastly, don't be a retard and buy a snake to try to impress a girl or your friends. Everyone knows that's what drinking too much and tattoos are for anyway.
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