I spent a half hour trying to find a picture of a priest with an axe. Or at least someone missing their hands, I even looked for Deadpool missing his hands cause that's a shoe in, right? Wrong. Anyway, does someone wanna be my image editing bitch? I'm not going to pay you anything but I'll give you credit. It probably wouldn't be that many, maybe 1-2 a day? Tops? E-mail Bonustimes@gmail.com if you're interested. I can't photoshop for shit and I really wish that guy had at least a priest collar in that picture. Anyway, onto the article....Before I start the alternate title to this post was "So My Pastor Is An Axe Murderer" but anyway....
Pastor Curtis Watts decided one day that he was a man of god, so he founded his own ministry down in good ol' Clay County Alabama.
Pastor Watts also decided one day to beat the shit out of his wife. We have to assume the decisions were unrelated.
So the cops came, and the Pastor was unruly, and by unruly I mean waiting in his kitchen with a rifle. So the cops decided to help the Pastor find his way back onto the path of piece, with the aid of three tazers to take the old fella down, impressive I know.
But the story doesn't end here, afterall I promised an Axe, and a cop getting maimed. When the police came back to the house to serve Pastor Watts with a retraining order from his wife, he was ready with a slightly more biblical weapon. This time Pastor Watts had an axe, and when the serving officer tried to tazer the man once again, Watts was ready. With what must have been one incredible swing Pastor Watts took the officers hand off. At this point officers accompanying the maimed police man opened fire on the Pastor, sending him off to Jesus.
A beautiful tale I know, but here's where it gets screwie. According to this article, the officers hand was sewn back on. This brings to light two questions.
Hail to the king, baby.
Pastor Curtis Watts decided one day that he was a man of god, so he founded his own ministry down in good ol' Clay County Alabama.
Pastor Watts also decided one day to beat the shit out of his wife. We have to assume the decisions were unrelated.
So the cops came, and the Pastor was unruly, and by unruly I mean waiting in his kitchen with a rifle. So the cops decided to help the Pastor find his way back onto the path of piece, with the aid of three tazers to take the old fella down, impressive I know.
But the story doesn't end here, afterall I promised an Axe, and a cop getting maimed. When the police came back to the house to serve Pastor Watts with a retraining order from his wife, he was ready with a slightly more biblical weapon. This time Pastor Watts had an axe, and when the serving officer tried to tazer the man once again, Watts was ready. With what must have been one incredible swing Pastor Watts took the officers hand off. At this point officers accompanying the maimed police man opened fire on the Pastor, sending him off to Jesus.
A beautiful tale I know, but here's where it gets screwie. According to this article, the officers hand was sewn back on. This brings to light two questions.
- How exactly does that work? If Watts took the guys hand off, how was it re attached? I'm really not sure how this works, but I have to imagine the hand is no longer functional? At what angle and what kind of cut did Watts get on this guy?
- And two, why did he not opt for an Evil Dead chainsaw hand as opposed to the regular hand. If you're dealing with insane Pastors in Clay County Alabama one would hope that you learn your lesson the first time you get your hand chopped off. I'd come packing something more on the level next time, but maybe that's just me.
Hail to the king, baby.Anyway, I definitely felt that this fell under the crazy fucking shit that goes on during Bonus Time section, hope you enjoyed it.
1 comment:
I would have opted for Judas Priest.
http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/cms/2004/large/Judas_Priest_7_-_Ozzfest_2004_-_lg.6355719.jpg
Post a Comment