you need this

Rainbow Road

February

Farmers rule.

For the last two days at work I've been dating things 2/1 and 2/2 and not even really thinking about it. It's a motion that I go through that I don't really ever give much thought to truthfully, because when I date things it's a mostly mindless process. However today when I was marveling at Bonustrons brilliant message from the future, I happened to notice on the sidebar that it was February's first post. This fact took me back for a moment, wow, we've already got a month of 2010 out of the way!

I decided then to write this post to make sure that reality had hit you with the same ton of bricks force that it had hit me with. How is your 2010 going so far? Have you bought that calendar we suggested? Have you stuck by your guns to that new years resolution, that picture a day project, that hope and inspiration that came with the New Future? I for one certainly hope so, and wish you continued good fortune and prosperity during your Bonus Time. And if you're sorely in lack of both of those, then it's time to start living your Bonus Time better, why not start now?

2010 has already been something of a rollercoaster year, so here's hoping that for the rest of it's duration it's more ups than downs. Here are some interesting events that will hopefully make your February more of a February to remember.

• February 15th and February 24th are Flag day in Canada and Mexico respectively. America's flag day is June 14th, this is also my birthday so remember it.
• February 4th, 25th, 26th and 27th are Independence days in Sri Lanka, the Phillipines, Kuwait, and the Dominican Republic respectively. July 4th is independence day in the United States, and July 3rd is my brother's birthday, which is equally important.
• February is Black History Month, so be socially it's important to be socially conscious this month, as opposed of course to all the time.
• February was one of the last two months added to the Roman calendar (with January). These two were late arrivals to the party because the Romans did not believe the winter warranted actual months. Hopefully February will prove them wrong this year, because with the shit weather January gave us I tend to agree with the Romans.
• Because I've already mentioned mine, and my brother's birthday, it's only fair to mention that my youngest sister's birthday is the 27th. And also on the grounds of fairness I must mention my other sister's birthday is May 20th.
  
• February 14th is no longer Valentines Day. It's an international drinking holiday for single people instead. When all those coupled assholes are spending their money on candy and stuffed bears, we'll all be spending our money on booze, which in the long run is a far better investment. Pre-screened / pre-approved couples may join the singles masses on this day, however only after an intense interview process. Couples still stuck in the "baby" phase need not apply.

Going Green Part 3

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(Note: The following contribution is by guest writer Bonustron, a reformed Killbot from an alternate future.)

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Bonus Time Goes Green Day 2

Yum!

Ahoy, Boners! Time for Day 2 of Bonus Time Going Green! Today we're going to discuss everyone's favorite futuristic food source; Man!

It's no secret that there is a serious food shortage on this planet, and that said shortage is seriously screwing with people's Bonus Time. Some people might argue for alternative forms of farming, such as farming on roof tops of cities, some might say increase cattle or poultry breeding, others would look at their own right arm and salivate. And why not?

Now I'm not saying we should go out and invest in wholesale slaughter of human beings. This isn't some kind of Apocalyptic every man for himself scenario, more an idea for recycling, safe recycling. An average human male likely has at least 100 pounds of edible meat on him at the time of his death, so why should we just throw that body in the ground for worms to eat? People are much cooler than worms, we have hair!

If we all knew we were going to be eaten one day it might inspire us to take better care of our bodies as well. If you know that one day you're going to be sliced up and dined upon, wouldn't you take better care of yourself? I daresay it would be down right embarrassing to be someone's dish that they turned away because the cut was too fatty, or because the aftertaste was too eerily similar to that of White Castle Burgers. Hell, eating our own population could actually end up fighting obesity in the long term as well.

This would also alleviate the stress on our nations already overcrowded graveyard system. Did you know that some of the most high profile graveyards in the country have a 10+ year long waiting list to get into? That high profile gravesites can sometimes cost more than a home itself? And isn't it everyday that we hear in the news, an ashamed parent admitting they've pissed away their child's college savings to secure themselves a coveted burial plot?

It's time to fight back against world hunger, and graveyard overpopulation, and start eating our dearly departed.

Flying Cars? Ehhh....

Flying Car or Kiddie Pool? You be the judge.

In the spirit of the New Future, I've decided to approach the idea of Flying Cars. Much like the idea of deep space travel, flying cars are certainly something to expect during Bonus Time. After all, it seems the possibilities for what man can achieve during Bonus Time are endless. So why not flying cars? Well there are actually some fairly good arguments against the flying car, ones that we're going to discuss today.

Now first let me say, in it's essence the idea is great, who wouldn't want a flying car? I know I would, and pretty much anyone you ask would want one. But therein lies some of the problem.

Now this may be because I grew up driving on the LIE, and currently live in Brooklyn NY, but 90% of drives on the road are absolutely terrible. Now take the fact that if you were in a flying car you would be driving something with not only a much wider range of movement than a regular car, but the fact that it would likely need a much larger, much more explosion prone engine and you've got a serious problem. Imagine some asshole decides to text and accidentally puts his car into the side of a building instead of someone's rear end?

How could this be avoided? Insurance is the easiest answer, but the cost of that would be monumental. This instantly creates an us and them for a product that every consumer is going to assume they're entitled to.

Accidents could also be avoided through proper training. This however would likely be incredibly time and money extensive. We live in a society of instant gratification, order anything online and have it delivered to you the next day. It's unlikely every Tom Dick and Harry would go through flying car training without bitching and moaning, or even take it as seriously as they should. The price tag on training alone would also likely be quite high.

Not to mention the development, and manufacturing of a product that isn't in anyway guaranteed to be a success. In the current financial atmosphere, with additional consideration for what a shit position the auto industry is in, it's tough to say that we're going to see flying cars any time soon. In fact I would argue that you will see commercial space travel before you see actual flying personal automobiles.

Now that's not to say that the idea isn't amazing, or that we here at Bonus Time think it can't happen, but in the short term? Probably not. Sorry if I've made you all flaccid over this article Boners, but there's a lot that goes into flying cars, and I just don't think we're ready for it as a society yet. Think I'm wrong? Chime in the comments section, or send hate mail to bonustimes@gmail.com!

Attack of the Extras

Fuck.

This young man exemplifies what appears to be some kind of sonic vocal attack abilities, as well as the ability to entice and mind control the young girls in this video. Are his powers routed in his being an Extra? Or is it his perfectly round young body that gives him the abilities he possesses? Regardless, I'm hungry for a burrito.

Bonus Time Mailbag

Live there die there.

Ahoy Boners, today we have something new! Someone wrote me a letter! And because it was such an important letter I've decided to share it with all of you, in what will hopefully be an ongoing segment: Bonus Time Mailbag.

Dear Bonus Time,

I can't stop thinking about extras. I am pretty sure their powers are going to emerge in 2012, when the Mayans reanimate to rage a epic war on humanity and fulfill their own prophecy of the end of the world. The question is, what will the powers of the child warriors be?
I am writing something on this matter. I wake up at dawn nearly every morning, write a paragraph or 2 in some kind of mystical trance and then fall back asleep for 3 hours. I don't know what this means, but I will tell you that the handwriting on the page of Donnie Osmond notebook every morning is not mine. Not. Mine.

-Sara


Dear Sara,

Thank you for taking the time to write! I see that you've read our segment on Extras, children born during Bonus Time, and that you've taken quite an interest in them! The idea that Extras are going to one day get super powers is certainly one that is equal parts amazing, and completely realistic. Why would a group of people born during Bonus Time not be extra special?

The idea that they might one day rise up to crush this world is certainly possible, but by the time 2012 rolls around the oldest will only be 12, and easily distracted with a Jonas Brothers CD, or by peer pressuring them into trying drugs for the first time! I think you'll see that Extras won't really be all that big of a deal when 2012 rolls around. I will say though that your idea of Mayans re animating and destroying the world is certainly an interesting one. While Bonus Time doesn't officially support the idea that the world is going to end in 2012, that might be something for our scientists to look at!

As for your own sleep problems, there are a few things that may be going on here. The following things may be your problem:

• You're not reading enough Bonus Time Blog before you go to bed. Bonus Time Blog has a patented formula that puts you at a sense of great ease, and happiness. This is proven to help people drift off to dreamland easier. Give it a shot!
• You're possessed by an Extra! It's possible that you're possessed by an extra that has either manifested their powers and are trapped in a corporeal form, or a deceased extra has decided to use your body as a puppet to achieve it's own devious ends!
• You are yourself a time displaced Extra, suffering from some type of amnesia, and your true subconscious form can only come out during dreams. If this is the case, fuck you!

I hope that my response has been both helpful and insightful!

Your Pal,
Stef

Dear Bonus Time,

During wolf weekend month, is it imperative to wear wolf t-shirts over the weekends?

I've been looking into buying a wolf shirt for a while now and have been weighing the options in terms of wear-ability in social and formal situations, comfort and possible magic powers. In my research I have found that "the three moon wolf shirt" has consistently received the highest praise from users whose opinions I trust and value.
Take a look here:
http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1262971785&sr=8-1

Do the editors of Bonus Time have any suggestions on equally wearable/ comfortable/ magic wolf shirts?

Thanks,

Max


Dear Max,

Thanks for taking the time to write us here at Bonus Time! As for your question there is really only one answer, yes, absolutely, and if you're not wearing a wolf t shirt over wolf weekend month prepare to get gum put in your hair.

Yes, gum.

The three moon wolf is a classic, which we refer to here at Bonus Time HQ as the "AMAZING." But there are of course many other options, and as you ARE being graded you should know that you are receiving points for originality. How bout this bad boy?

http://www.amazon.com/T-shirt-Cotton-ADULTS-Short-Sleeve/dp/B000I7Q6U8/ref=pd_sbs_a_4

Fantastic if you're ridiculously patriotic, and who isn't?

http://www.amazon.com/T-Shirt-Mountain-Evolution-Cotton-Sleeve/dp/B001UK8ZLK/ref=pd_sbs_a_1

I liked this one because it shows the inner beast that's inside all of us, clawing to get out and attack as we impatiently on so many Starbucks lines.

I hope these shirt suggestions have helped you get on track, and that you'll be able to pick a Wolf t shirt that not only represents you, but the fact that you love wolves so much that you're willing to look like you live in your mom's basement. Happy hunting, tiger ... ur, wolf...guy...!

Sincerely,
Stef

That's all for the mailbag for now! Drop us a line at bonustimes@gmail.com (note: times, not time) if there's anything you're wondering and I'll get back to you, or just chime in the comments section below!

The Bonus Time Blog Has Gone Green

God bless my ability (or lack thereof) to edit images.

Friends I'm sure you've realized by now, and are incredibly excited about the fact that the Bonus Time Blog has gone green! That's right, almost every font on this site is now Green, in preparation for the greatest holiday on Earth, St. Patrick's Day. to support the Earth or some shit our wonderful Planet Earth!

Now you may be asking yourself a very serious questions right now. Why should I give a shit about the Earth? It's Bonus Time isn't it? If we're living on borrowed time, why do we care?

And those are very good questions! It's true, taking care of the Earth has typically been for nerds that just want to bitch about a subject that people will actually listen to (unlike their Star Wars collectibles), and it's a science fact that littering is ridiculously fun, and don't even get me started on burning garbage!

This monkey is smoking, which is cool. This monkey probably litters too.

So why should you give a shit about the Planet Earth. Well there's a simple math equation behind that friend, more time on Earth = More Bonus Time in general. And until we get our fleet of space ships up and going, we're gonna have to take care of this planet. It's because of this that I've decided to share some tips on help keeping the environment safe and clean.

• Destroy Homeless People

This first one is a surprisingly helpful tip. You see recycling is good, right? And all good little Boners out there separate their recycling from their regular trash. Now we all assume just because we go out and get our designer little blue bags, and put our recycling separate from our trash that it's going to get recycled. That's where you would be absolutely fucking wrong. You see as soon as you put your recycling out of the curb, it sends out a signal to all of the homeless in a 3 mile radius. There's fresh bottles for the taking, and it's time to feast.

You see putting out recyclables in the habitat of a homeless person is like putting blood in the water, just like a shark they're going to be all over it almost instantly. But Bonus Time, you may be saying, the homeless just take the bottles to get recycled themselves, they're helping. Well that's where you'd be wrong.

You see in our "Going Green" effort, Bonus Time has captured several feral homeless, and subjected them to a series of degrading, humiliating, and sub-human experiments. In our studies we have determined that homeless do not actually turn these bottles in, instead they feed off of them. You see it's only a healthy and constant diet of shredded glass that can properly keep a homeless persons insanity levels right where they want them, at their absolute peak.

It's also a common misconception that the physiology of a homeless person is similar to a regular human beings. Bonus Time scientists have also determined that this is not the case, and instead of disposing of waste the way regular, and hilarious way that other humans do, homeless create two completely separate bi-products when they're done eating your recycling; Green House Gas, and Anthrax. Anthrax that they then immediately trade to Al Quaida in exchange for cheap wine, and cardboard to make their signs out of.

That's right folks, not only are the homeless a threat to all of the Earth, but to America itself.

Next time you see a homeless peacefully passed out in a puddle of their own filth and biological weaponry, destroy them, with extreme prejudice.

That's your tip for today, check back soon because we'll have more tips for keeping Green as the Bonus Time winds on!

cAN YOU FEEL IT!?

North Pole on the Run!

Maaaan on the ruuuun.

According to this article from the internet, the North pole is moving. And no not in some silly "the ice is melting" sense, in that actual magnetic north is moving, and at an alarming rate. The pole itself is now moving at 37 miles a year toward America's most ancient enemy, Russia. That may not seem like something that's moving very quickly, but keep in mind that 100 years ago the pole was moving at only 9 miles per year, and in the other direction, toward freedom.

Scientists believe that the movement may be a natural fluctuation, or even a switching of the poles, an event thought to take place about every 300,000 years (it's been 780,000 since the last swap). This scenario would be terrible news, as the swap would devastate the Earth and likely wipe man off of the planet. The other theory is that the magnetic field itself is actually dispersing, another terrible reality as without the field we'd be fried by the sun in about 3 seconds. Both Doomsday scenarios, and you know how we love a Doomsday scenario here at Bonus Time! However we've decided to take a crack at this one and certainly hope that you'll find our scenarios far more believable than the hocus pocus science bullshit you might have heard.

First Scenario:

Super Earth is using a giant space vacuum to steal our magnetic field.

Yes - as in the cult classic space tale 'Spaceballs' it is entirely possible that Super Earth is using some kind of giant laser, or vacuum, to steal or destroy our Magnetic Field. Now I've gone over the threat of Super Earth before, and I'm sure it's one that you're already familiar with. But for any new comers, let me spell it out to you. Super Earth is a gigantic planet, about a million times the size of Earth and they've got it out for us. You see Super Earth is not the most hospitable place to live, it rains fire and the seas shit blood, Super Earthicans as far as we can tell revel in only one thing: the complete and utter destruction of Regular Earth.

And as we've seen so far, they'll stop at almost nothing to get to us. Whether by using psychological warfare in Australia, or sending their Titanic babies to destroy our population, it's clear they know no restraint when it comes to wiping our little blue and green ball of mud off of the face of the galaxy. It's now clear that they've turned their sights on us once again, in an even more deadly than ever show of force.

There is however a second theory, one that may be even more deadly than the first:

Mecha Stalin has teamed up with Magneto and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants in an attempt to destroy Bonus Time and human life on Earth!

Yeah THIS Magneto.

If you haven't had a heart attack by now, I don't know what will phase you, and you may very well be a robot yourself!

I -- I'm sorry, let me relax for a moment. It's just that the nature of the crime, and where the pole is heading only really tell us two things very plainly, that Magneto and Joseph Stalin are very likely involved. As mentioned a few months back, it's very likely that Joseph Stalin is back and it's very likely he's got an axe to grind with his old nemesis America.

Now it's common knowledge that this country pretty much owns everything worthwhile, but let's go over a short list:

• The Moon
• Cheeseburgers
• Beer
• Skittles
• And of course, Christmas and therefore the North Pole

If Russia is to steal the North Pole they pretty much own Christmas too. And if America loses their grasp on Christmas, you can pretty much say goodbye to everything you love about it.

Ridiculous consumerism?

Done.

Jews that get Christmas presents anyway?

Done.

Kwanza?

Done.

As you can see this threat stands to effect pretty much everyone on Earth. Plus what kind of psychological effect will that have on us? If Russia takes the North Pole then what's next, Apple Pie, Baseball, Childhood obesity?

And who better for Stalin to team with other than Magneto? He's got a checkered history of hating America and humans in general. And you may be saying, wait a minute why would Magneto team with Stalin a known human? Well the answer there is that Magneto has either made this temporary alliance to benefit himself for the time being, or there's more to Stalin's resurrection than meets the eye, perhaps he too is a mutant.

Only time will tell which of these two evils are truly at work here, but stay alert Boners. Sooner or later action is going to have to be taken against this very real, and very anti-Bonus threat. And I daresay tinfoil hats may not even save us this time!

Obligatory FOLLOW US Post

Do it.

Yes well, that is not to say that we don't feel like you all wouldn't follow us to the ends of the Earth, because we know you would. However we're more interested in your digital selves, and hope that if you are not already that you'll consider following Bonus Time on Facebook and Twitter. After all, if there is any way to measure pure COOL in a number, it's how many Facebook Fans and Twitter followers you have. Facebook is doing okay, but Twitter is practically flatlining, and were it not for ourselves and a few porno adds I fear that we'd be left with nothing at all. So be a pal and click on the boxes on the left, we'll love love love you for it.

Miracle Anniversary

Dr. Quinn references are the best references.

Believe it or not it's been one year since Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger crash landed his passenger airplane on the Hudson River. Crash landed is of course probably the wrong term to use, as the pilot, after experiencing severe engine failure was able to save the lives of everyone on the plane. In a few moments of focus, keeping his cool, and stepping up under pressure, Sully saved the lives of 155 people, effectively extending the Bonus Time of all those on board beyond the paltry 9 years they would have been forced to settle with.

It is because of this (and the fact that we didn't really have anything on the web during January of last year) that we here at Bonus Time have decided to salute Sully, and officially make him a hero of Bonus Time. It's one thing to live your Bonus Time to the fullest, but it's another to save the Bonus Time of other people.

And for you readers I hope your ears are perking up (so to speak) as you read, because there's something inherently special about this anniversary, and about this hero. We have discussed in the past with you that Bonus Time exists, but this is the first mention of Bonus Time being something one can extend. So next time you make a decision, think twice. Not only will it effect your Bonus Time, but it may just end up effecting how much Bonus Time you actually have.

TRIPPY, BRO.

BONUS TIME EXTRAS

Just when you thought it was safe to go in the kitchen.

107.685 views per minute.  Thats how many times the original Charlie bit me video on youtube is viewed a minute, a total of 148,368,719 at the time of this writing.  Why is this important?  Because Charlie and Harry from the Charlie bit me video are Extras, people born during Bonus Time.

Yes there are quite a few amazing things that we've gotten and have been able to experience so far in Bonus Time, but the idea that countless people would not exist if not for Bonus Time is truly incredible.

But are Extras a good thing or a bad thing.  Only time will tell, with the aid of course of our very influence.  Will it be an Extra that starts World War 3, will an Extra be the first man on Mars?  What will the children of two Extras represent?  

The potential that Extras represent very well may be limitless.  So far there are only a few other bonus worth extras aside from Charlie and Harry, that kid who's all fucked up after he went to the dentist, the little Korean kid, Hero who sang Beatles songs, and the serious face baby.

Bonus Time Best of 2000-2009

Barack O'Bama

Ahoy Boners.  While most other websites got their "best of 2000's" lists out of the way last month, we decided to hold off and be sure about ours.  Afterall, something else could have happened toward the end of December, like Terrorist Christmas.  But it is without further delay that we give you the winner of the 00's, the most Bonusy event of all of the 2000's:

The Election of Barack Obama.

Yeah we here at Bonus Time have been pretty quiet about Obama so far, but there's no denying that the first black president was the quite bonustly the most bonus event of the 00's.  Without Bonus Time this milestone would have never taken place.  

It is also with this realization that Bonus Time would like to officially endorse Barack Obama in his presidential bid, good luck in November Bammy.

Runner Up:

We love youtube, and it only lost by a hair but it still lost, haha.

Honorable Mentions:

• Playstation 2
  
• Bottled Water
• 50 Cent
• Pomegranate
• WiFi
• Sasha Baron Cohen
• Wikipedia
• The King
• iPod
• Water Bears

Best Death goes to MJ, although he has to provide a corpse soon or no dice.  Runner up best death is Steve Irwin.  Honorable mentions are Shaq & Kobe, Hunter S. Thompson, Anna Nicole Smith, Big Pun, Johnny Cash, Heath Ledger, Charles Shultz and Rosa Parks.

WOW!!!!WATER BEARS!!!!!!!HOLYSHIT!!!!!

Hello friends and countrymen, below you will find the finest examples of Tardigrades in the known universe. These are of course also known as Water Bears, the mascot beings of Bonus Time. Enjoy their rascally antics as you wonder yourself, what is it like to be invincible?

The Loss of a Legend

Tsutomu Yamaguchi known by friends as "Lucky"

Back in the summer of 1945, Tsutomu Yamaguchi, a Nagaski Japan native, was on business in Hiroshima Japan. It had been a three month long trip by the time the morning of August 6th rolled around, and Yamaguchi was eager to put the finishing touches on his trip by visiting the shipyard he had been dealing with one final time - he was to return to his native Nagasaki just a day later. Yamaguchi would make it to the shipyard, and eventually home, but the story involving that is what truly makes this man amazing.

History buffs have likely already caught onto where this story is going already. But the good spirited Yamaguchi describes in a 2005 interview clearly remembering the morning, a nice summer day, nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, at least of course until he heard a single plane flying overhead.

This plane of course was the B-29 Bomber Enola Gay piloted by a young Colonel Paul Tibbets. The payload was "Little Boy" the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. Yamaguchi's story does not however end here. As the resilient man survived the first bomb, of course deciding to high tail it out of Hiroshima as fast as possible. And where else would he go, but home to Nagasaki, where he would fall victim to and survive the second atomic bomb blast. That's right, one man, two atomic bombs, zero deaths.

Yamaguchi would go on to live a very long life, he did however pass away just a few days ago on January 4th, at the age of 93. It was stomach cancer that finally brought the old man down, although he had sworn off both drinking and smoking at age 50. He is the only documented survivor of both of the atomic bomb drops on Japan, attacks that killed about 260,000 people in total. In 2006 Yamaguchi took it upon himself as the only living witness to both of these attacks to go before the UN and speak out against nuclear arms, feeling that well into his twilight it was still his responsibility to pass on what he knew to the people of the world.

And why exactly did he feel that way? Having not known or never having met the man I can't say for sure, but this quote from last year might shine some light onto his reasoning,

"I could have died on either of those days. Everything that follows is a bonus."

Farewell Tsutomu Yamaguchi, Bonus Time and man itself have truly lost one of our champions.

For a more detailed look at his story please read http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/6943088/Tsutomu-Yamaguchi.html

PCP & You!

FRIDAY

Two video posts in a row? Yeah well, these are all pretty frikken hilarious. And how do these videos relate to Bonus Time? Don't do the shit you see in these videos during Bonus Time!

Very pleasant music, and I have to say I was a fan of both the tribal dance the man was doing in the beginning, and the look of wonderment and joy when he found himself immune to the traffic he was dancing through! The onlooker in the truck who ALMOST turned left, but then decided to do a U-Turn instead wins good samaritan of the year award in my book.



I guess I'd get naked if I were bleeding that much too, I mean why not, right? The highlight of this video I think was the hole this gentleman punched in the fence. Not only is there some monster force behind that hit, but it's arguable that had he punched a second, or even slightly wider hole that he would have gotten through that fence. I bet that lady cop is pretty glad he didn't turn his sights on her.



This one is the grand finale, and I think you'll agree I saved the best for last. From the humble beginning of the officer fumbling with embarrassment as he explains the situation to the the cameraman, to the stand off itself this video is second to none. Questions to ask yourself when viewing include:

• Do all of the lights on in this school imply children are present in some kind of afterschool activity?
• None of his clothing is seemingly present, did this man leave the house nude?
• A school, really?
• The fire extinguishers, did you really need ALL of those fire extinguishers?

I'm going to cheat and tell you that the answers to all of these questions are an emphatic yes, but I'm sure you had realized that by now already. I hope you've enjoyed these wonderful videos, Happy Friday!

WOLF WEEKEND MONTH PREVIEW

One of the coolest things that was ever invented during Bonus Time was Wolf Weekend Month. Much like Shark Week, it's a month that's dedicated to wolves, but only on the weekends. Therefore it's more spread out, and infinitely more bad ass. January isn't Wolf Weekend Month, because a weekend has already gone by, but here's a preview of what Wolf Weekend Month will be like.

An Important PSA from Bonus Time

Yeaaaaaaaaaaa Get Money!

It's 2010 folks, and we here at Bonus Time wouldn't feel right if we didn't remind you of one important thing you may have forgotten! It's time to get a new calendar. With enjoyment of Bonus Time comes one key that you may have been overlooking, proper time management. Nothing helps with this quite like a good old fashioned calendar. Map out your time, this week you might be working on your Fushion engine plans, next you may be working on your age halting serum, whatever it is your doing with your Bonus Time, it's important to be on top of things and realize just exactly what it is you are doing.

So go get a new calendar! Everyday that you don't you are wasting more and more money, and that totally sucks, you're not an idiot right? But what kind of calendar is it that suits you? Well this is a very important question, and one that can only be made after hours of deep upside down meditation. We decided though to give you a few pointers.

• Get a calendar with a lot of space on it - Not SPACE space persay (like outerspace), but space for you to plot out exactly what it is you'd like to do during the New Future. If your calendar is jumbled with ridiculous holidays, or tiny spaces for each day, then you are not getting the most out of your calendar, or your Bonus Time!

• Pick a theme that fits you - Planning on making some kind of wretched cat / man hybird during the New Future? Get a Kitten calendar to help inspire you! Planning to conquer a foreign nation? Get a calendar that shows the great wealth this land has waiting for you! Also, what month were you born in? It might be a good idea to locate that month on the calendar, and make sure that it has a theme that's right for you. Are you getting a super hot babes of Bonus Time calendar? Make sure the babe on your birth month is the babe for you!

A new calendar is a great way to make a fresh start in a new year, and a New Future. There's nothing more clean slate then a new calendar, so go get one, NOW!

The New Future And You!

A Dick Ship, made of Dicks you see!

Ahoy faithful, this is the first of many articles to come outlining what exactly you can hope to expect out of the new future. While largely speculative, all of these scenarios have been spawned from the minds of top Bonus Time scientists (the same men who brought you Bonus Time, and the New Future) and are all very likely to happen. The first of which will be ... SPACE!

Yeah this one was kinda a gimee, of course we're going to travel into space more! From water being discovered on the moon, to martian rovers to Super Earth and beyond, it's clear that man kind is ready to take off the water wings and dive head first into the rest of the galaxy.

As Captain James T. Kirk once put it, space is indeed the final frontier (if I hear any lip about our vastly unexplored and arguably more alien oceans I'm putting five across your eyes), and since the dawn of time it has been man's desire to explore, to make all that is unknown known, in this the new future, the age of exploration will truly come to fruition. But how exactly will we go about this you ask?

Spaceships.

Let that settle, trippy eh? Yes we will certainly need space ships, and much faster ones than we have now, at least if we're going to get anywhere past the moon. You see the main problem with space travel so far has been that man is very fragile. We're susceptible to all of the nasty gamma, ultra violet, x, and whatever other rays are out there to get us. We also have a fairly limited expiration date, all of us. So how do we get around this? Well we have a few options.

• Fusion powered space ships - By bottling a fusion nuclear reaction you are bottling the power of the sun itself. Indeed while fusion itself has been thus far out of the grasp of human scientists, it is fusion that gives us our very existence. Fusion is not a hypothetical science, and to see an example of it all one needs do is look up at a starry night, or at the sun itself to see it is very real.

• Reliable Cryogenics - And i'm not talking about taking Ty Cobbs head and playing home run derby for an afternoon, I mean real reliable cryogenic science that would allow a human to enter a state of suspended animation wherein they could be thawed once they reached their destination. It's tough to say exactly what this would do to the human psyche, on one had you would be one of the first people to step foot on an alien planet such as Mars. On the other hand 20+ years would have gone by, most of your peers would have aged past you, and most of your loved ones would likely already be dead. Still, it's a possibility.

• Magical Age Halting Serum - With a grape aftertaste, even kids will ask for NoGrow Age Halting Serum!

All realistic scenarios for man to explore during the NEW FUTURE. Another theory was that we could simply leap frog from planet to planet, establishing colonies, creating new generations of explorers while in space, and essentially living a somewhat nomadic existence, constantly on the move to your next destination. What exactly will be man's method in venturing out into space? Tough to tell at this early stage of the New Future, but space travel and expanded space exploration is certainly something that should, can, and with a little intuition will happen during the New Future.

The New Future

We're fucked.

In my hello again post, I briefly touched on the concept of the "New Future" that Bonus Time has embraced in the last few weeks.  The idea is simple, for the last 10 years we have been in Bonus Time, and since 1976 we've been in the "Future."  However with 10 years of Bonus Time already gone by, we feel that 2010 rings in not just a new year, but a new future as well.  

What does this mean?  Does anything you've done in the last 10 years matter?  What exactly is going to change?  These are all questions you are likely asking yourself, and it's okay, the New Future should be exciting you like this.  What we want you, the Bonus Faithful to take out of this concept is simple really.

It's been 10 years of Bonus Time, and there have been many wonderful things created, programmed, dreamed, and puked up over these years.  But now it's time to take all of them to the next level.  While we've been promoting living your Bonus Time to the fullest for the last year or so, the New Future is a time to fly.  Take everything you've had during Bonus Time, everything great you've done or thought of and take it to the next level.  

Were you thinking of finally asking out that co worker (Do it, the Office tells us this will work), finally getting around to writing that autobiography, taking that extra class on string cheese theory?  Any and everything should be done in the new future, fill your hearts desire, go fourth, and be merry in the NEW FUTURE!

Cowabunga, Ride the Wave!

Fuck Yeah!

CNN wrote some dumb ass article the other day about the biggest technology fails of 2009.  There was some good stuff on there, the the original article was mostly redundant crap.  We get it, twitter and facebook are scary, but even moreso when something bad happens to them!  And while I have myself certainly raged over gmail outages, the last item on their list really served to piss me off.

CNN has already decided to openly declare Google Wave, a program not even available yet to the general public, a failure.  And why?  Well read the article, because as far as I can gather their biggest irk with wave is simply that they are either too dense, or simply not innovative enough to properly utilize the program.

Now I'll admit, Wave is very new, and while we here at Bonus Time have begun using wave with really all of our new projects, we truthfully don't fully understand it yet either.  But just because you don't understand something NEW does not mean it is broken, or that it is bad.  It means that humans in general, continue to be closed minded and ignorant during the digital age of Bonus Time.  And that reality in itself is sad, but at the same time this is all coming from CNN.  The same news network that has Roman Polanski being arrested on the same ballot as Barack Obama being sworn in as the first black president of the US for the top stories of 2009. 

The point is that we here at Bonus Time like Google Wave, a lot in fact.  And it's what we've begun to use for our weekly web meetings (Sundays at 8), so consider another more Bonus-y point of view before you buy into negative hype about the Wave.  And while Wave is currently in a limited preview beta, we here at Bonus Time have a few invites to spare, so if you'd like to check the wave out for yourself drop your e-mail into the comment section and we'll hook it up.

The Beast With 1,000 Teeth

Pow! Right in the dick!

Aloha Bonus Faithful!  

It's been a long time, hasn't it?  But here we are, 2010, all grown up and ready for the new future!  But before we go there, you've likely got a lot of questions, and valid ones at that.  Now that I've reshined my life giving light back into the petri dish that is your worlds, you're likely scared, confused, but at the same time aroused, and excited.  First let's take a look at what happened in the ass end of 2009, and what I (and therefore you) found interesting about the end of a stupid year.

- That Bitch from Jersey Shore got punched in the face, this is one of my favorite .gifs of it.  Also fuck you blogger for not letting me embed gifs.

-Those Balloon assholes got sentenced to some jailtime, good!

-Some other asshole discovered Super Earth again or something.  I remember seeing that story and getting pissed, suffice to say we're still fucked.

-Water was confirmed as being on the moon, more on that later.

There was probably more, but truthfully I can't remember.  Bonus Time itself also has quite a bit of news that we would like to share with you as well.

-Bonus Time World HQ was established in Brooklyn, New York.

-Bonus Time has began hosting weekly meetings with new exclusive Bonus Time information, these are typically on Sunday's at 8 on the internet.

-We have also hosted our first in person meeting for the public, while it was under the clever guise of a New Years Eve party, all of us here at Bonus Time feel the meeting was a great success.

-We got a white board!

Aside from Transformers Christmas that should be it, aside of course from the "NEW FUTURE" which we have now entered in 2010, which I will focus on in a new post shortly.  Until then though, welcome back, and here's to 2010!