One more for the road....

Late post I know, and I've already jammed a ton of shit down your throat today but this video is great.

A Very Bonus Contest!

So I kinda hinted at this last Friday, but because I had Monday off, and yesterday SUCKED we're getting to this a little later then I had planned.

Anyway I'm going to be having a contest, it will run from today, to next Thursday morning. The plan? Whoever can post the best, most bonus relevant (and humorous) comment on one of my articles over the next week will be the winner. All articles that I posted today, Wednesday the 30th (I posted like 8 to make up for the missed days, so get to em) are eligible, but anything before that is not. The contest will run like I said till next Thursday, October 8th at 5 PM. I will announce the winner most likely that evening or on Friday morning.

EVERYONE is eligible, and it looks like I've got a decent number of people reading this fairly regularly, so give it a shot. Not only do you get a chance at a prize, but you'll also be positively contributing to, and spending your Bonus Time. Win win, right?

The prize is a package deal which will include the following:

• I will give you free reign over what goes on Bonus Time for a whole day, this will be for minimum of 3 but no more than 5 posts (unless I love the idea). This part is really open ended. I'll accept either you sending me a bunch of shit you'd like ME to write about, or YOU contributing to the blog for a day (and if I like what you write, maybe it becomes a permanent thing).
  
• You will become an honorary Hero of Bonus Time, I'll do a focus profile of you on the site, and the facebook. You can skip this part if you want to remain anonymous, and if you chose to be anonymous I totally can respect and understand that. If you chose to remain anonymous I'll let you chose someone else who you feel is a hero of Bonus Time and I'll honor them.
  
• And, the best part of all ...... a BEER! That's right, I will buy you a beer of your choice and we can sit together and drink it and talk about Bonus Time and stuff. This one only really works if you live in the New York area. If you don't then I'll figure something else out. If you don't drink you're a pussy, but I promise that if you absolutely don't want a beer I'll figure something else out.

Now there's gonna be certain stipulations to all of this. If you send me a bunch of retarded shit for your day then I'm going to tell you that. Hopefully so far I've given you all a good eye as to what actually flies for Bonus material, but if you're way to off the tee I'll let you know and hopefully we can figure something out.

The same goes for the hero, if you pick some dip shit like Kanye (who's already a villain and wouldn't work regardless) I'll let you know.

The beer is really where the world is your oyster, your choice of bar, your choice of beer, and it's on me. I really not gonna put a limit on this one, but know that it is ONE beer, but I will probably end up drinking like 15 and buying you at least a shot too cause I'm a fuckin great guy. Again if you don't live in the city (and are not willing to come hang out), or you don't drink we'll figure this part out. I'm sure I can figure out some kind of alternate prize.

And honestly, this goes above all else. If you don't know who I am, feel free to enter the contest as well. I might nix the beer part just cause of the creepy for both of us, but I'm willing to cross that bridge when we come to it. This is above all else a way to have fun, and to get the Bonus Faithful a little more involved in the blog.

Note: You can comment as many times as you want over the week, all comments will be eligible and considered.

So get to it bitches! Let's see those comments tally up!

What Hath Science Wrought? Beetles Mind Controlled By Humans

The video says it all, scientists are with the aid of technology able to control the actions of beetles. The beetle carries a wireless microsystem, which includes a micro processor, a radio receiver, battery, and six electrodes implanted in the creatures brain and flight muscles.

Using a lap top computer and a wireless transmitter, scientists are able to tell the beetle which direction to fly in, as well as when they want it to land and take off.

This opens quite a bit of possibilities for man, which the video notes could be used for animal research, search and rescue, and of course war fare. It sounds like a pretty crazy system, and it's incredibly disturbing to think that a bug flying around could be a US government spy, but it's still a hell of a technological development, and great to see something so out there taking place during Bonus Time.

Why Didn't I Think Of This?

This amazing graph shows which trains people most commonly "miss connections" on.

If you don't know what the Craigslist missed connections section is you're really missing out on your Bonus Time. Not only are these a hilarious read, they're also a great way to have some fun if you can think of a hilarious enough e-mail to send one of the suckers on there.

For those of you not in the know, the Craigslist missed connections section is a personals section on Craigslist where people can post if they feel they had a special bond with someone on the subway, but didn't have the balls to act on it. Did you think that blond actually was checking you out, was the dude staring at your tits the whole ride really trying to say, "hey, I bet we both love poetry and Italian food!" this is where you go to find that out.

But CL hasn't made the Bonus Blog just because they exist (although browsing their personals is a great way to laugh your ass off during Bonus Time), it's because a Brooklyn illustrator and publisher has taken the personals to the next level.

According to this article, Sophie Blackall saw the section as a limitless opportunity to create art. She is now creating prints based on some of her favorites from the site, which she says she was prone to browsing for an upwards of 2 hours at a time on most days.

That is so freakin' awesome, and very Bonus Time. Taking what would otherwise be a boring, menial activity used only really to pass time (aka waste it) and turning it not only into art, but art that is potentially profitable over a long period of time, that's pretty awesome. Good for you Sophie, and to the chick who was kinda brushing against me yesterday with her bag on the train, I know what you were trying to say baby, but you can't cage this bird, he's gotta fly.

2003 Was Waaaaay Too Long Ago

Another Bonus Time year's worth of fun facts for the faithful out there. This time we're gonna focus on 2003. Again this is a facebook repost, and if you're not a fan of us on facebook yet click on the fucking thing on the right.

2003
International Year of Freshwater

January 18 – The Canberra Bushfires in Canberra, Australia kill 4 people

March 13 – The journal Nature reports that 350,000-year-old upright-walking human footprints had been found in Italy.

April 14 – The Human Genome Project is completed, with 99% of the human genome sequenced to 99.99% accuracy.

June 22 – The largest hailstone ever recorded falls in Aurora, Nebraska.

July 6 – The 70-meter Eupatoria Planetary Radar sends a METI message Cosmic Call 2 to 5 stars: Hip 4872, HD 245409, 55 Cancri, HD 10307 and 47 Ursae Majoris, that will arrive at these stars in 2036, 2040, 2044, 2044 and 2049 respectively

August 28 – Bank robber Brian Douglas Wells is killed when a time bomb around his neck explodes, allegedly in an act of betrayal by his co-conspirators.

September 3 – The Hubble Space Telescope starts Hubble Ultra Deep Field.

October 15 – The 2003 Staten Island Ferry crash kills 11 after one of its ferries slams into a pier.

November 23 – A total solar eclipse is seen over Antarctica.

December 25 – Beagle 2 is scheduled to land on Mars, but nothing is heard from the lander.

Shitloads of New Species Discovered in 2008

Fangs? Alright, it's a start.

I'm only going to briefly touch on this, but 2008 was a hell of a year for discovering new species. Last year 163 new species were found in South East Asia's Mekong region alone. The discoveries ranged from fanged frogs, to leopard geckos, to new types of wild banana plants. And most of them are found no where else on Earth, at least so far.

The mainstream belief is that the fanged frog evolved to defend itself against Glenn Beck's insane attacks, but the rest of the species have been evolving over the last 8,000 years or so, as climate changes took place in the region to separate certain creatures from one another, and creating this immense range of diversity.

Here is a link to the article, they've also got a video on their homepage, but NG is weird about letting you embed their new videos so good luck finding it yourself.

Moon Maybe Has Water

Photo from Bonus Times trip to the Moon.

First I'd just like to say yes, Bonus Time has been on the moon. That is one of the pictures from our trip there, and yes it was amazing.

Secondly, it looks like there might actually be water on the moon, as opposed to the commonly accepted theory that the moon was made entirely out of cheese.

Scientists aren't 100% sure about this yet (and they way they're planning to figure it out is fucking awesome, but more on that later) but at the very least the ingredients to make water appear to be scattered across the moons surface.

According to this article the only question now is whether or not this is actual water they're finding, or hydroxyl (which can be bound with hydrogen to make water). The big problem that's in the way is that these molecules are bound to other molecules all across the surface of the moon, and because of that there's simply not a lot of them. It is possible however that with a little effort this could become a renewable source of water on the moon which would, "reduce the payloads that would need to be taken into space to maintain a future lunar outpost."

Moon Base One online.

Now how scientists determine whether or not these are actual water molecules, or hydroxyl is pretty awesome. Their plan? Smashing a probe into the moon.

I'm serious, that's what they're gonna do.

Sometimes scientists really seem to get shit right, and wanton destruction always gets a thumbs up here at Bonus Time. Their plan is to send a plume of the moon's surface into space so that they can study it in better light, and that's a hell of a way to go about it.

Anyway all of this is just dripping with Bonus Time awesomeness, I call having the first moon pool party. You all heard me call it, I have witnesses.

US Troops Finally Able to Enjoy Bonus Time

Rough Riders > All Other Riders (And Ridas)

Good news for the troops over in Iraq coming out of Washington this week. And no it's not some asshole celebrity who's going over there to cheer them up. No according to this article, 4,000 troops will be pulled out of Iraq in this coming month alone. After that President Obama has said that he plans to have all US combat troops out by August 31st 2010.

You do have to be careful with your wording there though, as after all combat troops are removed, the United States will still have some 35,000-50,000 troops remaining in Iraq. So while we're not completely withdrawing, it still likely relieves some of the stress on our over worked troops, while still keeping the career guys in the saddle.

The reason behind the troop withdrawal is a drop in violence in Iraq overall. According to experts, violence in Iraq has dropped some 85% over the last 2 years. This is also coupled with the continued build of U.S. trust in Iraqi security forces in the nation as they continue to grow.

Pretty good news for the guys over there. Over the last few years I've noticed a ton of stories about how our troops are getting screwed into more and more tours of duty, being cornered into serving more time then they'd ever signed up for. Good to see that these guys get to go home, and enjoy time with their families. They'll need the rest for now, because when the Super Earthicans come, we will all have to be ready to fight.

Bonus Time for a Jet!

Did you really think the word "Jet" being in the title would not equal a Jet Jaguar picture?

This article was pretty funny I have to say. A jet that was lost more than 50 years ago off the coast of California was recovered recently by "aircraft archeologists." Let me just take a minute here to laugh about that. Aircraft archeologists, that's great! I was so set to write a regular article (as if there is one of those around here) and then I read that and lost it.

I don't know who to give the thumbs up to here, the wreckage for being discovered after 50 years in the briney deep, or the people who found it for having such a ridiculous job title. Yah know what, I give up. I mean honestly is that just me?

Oh I also liked the part where they said the aircraft they recovered had been presumed lost at sea for all of these years. It's been 50 years, it WAS lost at sea that's pretty cut and dry.

Still I'll take any excuse to use a Jet Jaguar picture, and good for all of the clowns involved in this project. If you can make money doing this shit then good for you, viva Bonus Time!

Score One for Mankind!

This whale is thanking it's Human overlords for the free water.

By this point it's pretty much common knowledge that humanity is one of the worst things to ever happen to this planet, outside of gigantic meteors and mosquitoes That's why this article was something of a breath of fresh air.

According to the article it's been accepted that around 50,000 years ago mankind showed up in Australia. It's also been accepted that around that time a shit load of animals disappeared. Scientists up until this point had blamed the disappearances on humanity, however new finds are disproving that, and there's actually some pretty ridiculous reasoning behind it.

Scientists had only been looking for fossils of creatures that died out 50,000 years ago. It was only recently that a team decided to extend their search to include fossils from 120,000 years ago, and then 90,000 years ago. What they found were 12 large species 120,000 years ago, 8 90,000 years ago and then only 4 species 55,000 years ago -- still quite some time before humanity even arrived.

Pretty cool finds by the Aussies, although realistically this could be some kind of feel good mind control garbage from Super Earth. As the Bonus Time faithful I'm sure are aware, we still can not trust that Australia isn't under complete control of the tyrant rival Earth. Still it's nice to move one into the win column for us, good job everyone.

Shout outs!

First and foremost I'd like to give a shout out to reader Claire. She's been a Bonus Time enthusiast since the beginning, and she gave us a really awesome shout out on her blog found at www.clairedickinson.com. Check it out sometime, she's a hell of a poet and has a great perspective on life.

Secondly I wanted to shout out the Monty Burns for mayor movement that a couple of the Bonus time faithful have been working on. NBC has recognized them here, and they've got their own website over here. At Bonus Time we try to do our best to stay out of the political end of things, but Ol' Burnsie seems like a better alternative then some of the clowns running for Mayor in the city. If we take Bloomberg back it's just more tax payer dollars spent on midday shoe shopping excursions, and New York's had enough of that as it is.

We're going to be having a contest next week, the contest is going to directly involve people beginning to comment on the Bonus Time articles that we're posting up each day, so get your thinking caps on and maybe you can win a prize.

We're also going to have Water Bear week within the next couple of weeks, so get ready to find out a little more info on the creepy little guy that takes up our banner space up top.

Aside from that enjoy your weekends, as posts during that time will be sporadic at best.

Iranian's Proving Young People Still Know More About Computers

Cyborg Steve Buscemi approves of this article.

The youth of Iran is taking to the internet to protest their oppressive government following the June 12th protests that ripped across the nation. And while their government has been doing all they can to stop them, the "hacktivists" are seemingly always one step ahead.

As show in this article, the youth are using twitter, videos, e-mail and the web to stand up against Ahmadinejad and the Iranian government. The government has responded by slowing down the internet, shutting down the websites that the hacktivists are creating, and arresting those who create the sites and try to organize protests.

And while journalists are forbidden to broadcast protests when they take place, these internet outlets have been helping to get the news out when it happens. Many Americans likely recall the cell phone video that was leaked from the country of 16 year old Neda Soltani being shot at what appeared to be a non violent protest. By shuffling websites, hosts, and even online identities the hacktivists are staying one step ahead of the Iranian government, as anti-Ahmandinejad groups feel that he is not the legitimate leader of the country, and are doing all they can to remove him from power. It may not seem like much, but it takes a hell of a lot of guts to be doing what these kids are doing, and hell it's getting the word out.

Hopefully things like this help establish freedom in the nation of Iran. Regardless of how you feel about the way this country is run sometimes, and our foreign policy, it's still a blessing for every one of us to live in the society that we do. We have more freedom then these people will ever know, and the simple fact that I'm able to write on this blog without fear of being dragged away to a secret prison, tortured, and killed, is a right that these people do not know. Fighting for these freedoms is one hell of a way to spend your Bonus Time, and these folks deserve any kind of (safe) exposure they can get. Give the rest of the article a read, it's a good one.

Bonus Time Events

Again a Facebook repost -- I know, it's a busy Friday. And although I know everyone who reads Bonus blog has surely memorized all of these facts about 2002 already, we're gonna repost them just in case you need a little.... refresher.

2002
International Year of Ecotourism and Mountains

January 1 – Euro notes and coins are issued in France, Spain, Germany, Italy, Portugal, Greece, Finland, Luxembourg, Belgium, Austria, Ireland and the Netherlands.

March 14 – 125 vehicles are involved in a massive pile up on Interstate 75 in Ringgold, Georgia.

April 18 – The discovery of a new insect order, Mantophasmatodea, is announced.

May 26 – The Mars Odyssey finds signs of large water ice deposits on the planet Mars.

June 15 – Near Earth Asteroid 2002 MN misses the planet by 75,000 miles (120,000 km), about 1/3 the distance to the moon.

July 19 – Hail kills 25 and injures hundreds in the Chinese province of Henan.

August 7 – Tama-chan, a bearded seal native to the Arctic, is discovered in Tama River in Tokyo.

October 7 – The discovery of Quaoar is announced.

Nov 10 - According to the Guardian newspaper, Gauthier Hulot of the Paris Geophysical Institute has discovered evidence of a reduction of the Earth's magnetic field over the last two hundred years. It is possible that this may be a prelude to a reversal of polarity of the Earth's magenetic field over the next few hundred years.

Dec 6 - Pi has been calculated to 1.24 trillion digits. Professor Yasumasa Kanada and nine other researchers at the Information Technology Center at the University of Tokyo have set the new world record.

Bruce Willis is The Man

Bruce Willis is the man, and pretty much always has been. The Die Hard movies say it all (including the 4th, I don't care if you hate the mac kid, he took out a jet with an 18 wheeler), and pretty much anything he touches is amazing.

That's why in this video, courtesy of CNN, it's clear that he is speaking directly to the Bonus Time faithful. Not only does he show a complete disregard for the world around him or it's customs, but around 1:46 of the video he shits down the throat of reality tv.

Here at Bonus Time we try to show you a lot of great ways to spend your Bonus Time, but Mr. Willis hits the nail right on the head with reality TV. If there's anyway to completely waste your Bonus Time, it's sitting around watching uneducated assholes make dicks out of themselves for relatively little to no money. I'm sure that such a strong stance will upset a lot of readers, but hey, even if you do love reality TV you know it's a guilty pleasure.

Giant Baby ... From Space?

Baby Smash!

A gigantic baby has been born in Indonesia. The baby is 24.4 inches long, and weighs in at 19.2 pounds, the largest baby ever born in Indonesia. Thankfully for the mother, the baby was delivered through c-section.

Doctors in Indonesia are blaming his 41 year old mother's diabetes for the baby's unusual size. Apparently high levels of glucose in the mother can be transferred to the baby, and result in abnormal size.

That's all good and fine, but here at Bonus Time we know the real culprit. It's clear that this baby has been sent here by none other than Super Earth. Clearly swept in during the dust storms of Sydney, the mother was impregnated by Super Eartian saboteurs, then quickly grew too large for the poor woman's brittle frame.

Bonus Time scientists are guessing that the baby will be a full grown mega killer in just a few months, and that it poses a clear and present danger to Bonus Time. Due to Super Earth's hyper gravity, and hellish at best conditions, we can only assume the baby will be much stronger, smarter, resilient, and have much cooler hair then your usual earthling.

What can the Bonus Time faithful do to help against the Super Earth threat? Ladies keep your vagina's safe, and free from any Super Earthican invaders. And gents, if you're expecting make sure to give the baby a second look when he slides out of mom. Here are some ways you can recognize a Super Earth infant:

• Hunger that can be sated only be human blood
• Red Eyes that seem to pierce directly into ones soul
• Super Strength
• Scaly / Rock like growth around the joints and around the face
• Shitting other babies

If we work together, we can help stop the Super Earth threat once and for all. For more on this story, check out the original article here.

More Glenn Beck is an Asshole

You know I didn't really wanna jump on the whole "Glenn Beck is a complete fucking tool" train like a lot of other people out there. But the more I see about this guy, the less I like him. Entering the hallowed halls of Overtime goes a poor unassuming Frog, ruthlessly murdered by this madman in his prime.

Hey fuck off Glen Beck, what's your deal anyway. Oh and by the way Beck's now officially a Bonus Time villain for being bat shit fucking crazy. And not in the good way either.

Frozen Drink Enthusiasts Beware

HAHAHAHA THAT BIRD IS WEARING A SHIRT!

Bad news for those of you who enjoy a frosty margarita on a warm summer day. According to this article, sent in by reader Rachel, your days may be numbered.

Scientists aboard Russian research vessel Professor Khromov found some shocking developments in their most recent arctic census journey. The scientists were able to collect water, ocean mud, and sealife samples all from an area that normally should be completely covered in ice.

In fact, in 2004 the 'station' they stopped at was 350 miles south of where they stopped this time around, the distance being covered completely in ice. This time however it was open water, and as mission coordinator Kevin Wood put it, "There isn’t enough ice here to make a margarita,” with water open on all sides.

Now this mission is sent out to study the effects of global warming, but here at Bonus Time we know there are far deadlier threats to the planet Earth. This however is not something to be taken sitting down.

If we can't enjoy frozen drinks in the arctic circle of all places, then where can we? Is this the beginning of a domino effect? Are daiquiris next? What about pena coladas? And what of Margaritaville? Without Margaritaville we'll lose Jimmy Buffet, if that guy isn't tanked 100% of the time one has to assume that at this point he'll explode. Without him there's no elevator music! And oh god the Hawaiian shirts, what will we do with all of the Hawaiian shirts?

Hang in there, big guy!

On top of all of this there's no ignoring the fact that turning ice, booze, and fruit into drinks is one of the better ways to live your Bonus Time, summer or not. As you can see readers, this situation is dire indeed.

Something has to be done about this, maybe the old Futurama method of dunking a giant ice cube into the arctic seas can save our favorite frozen concoctions. Regardless, a lack of ice for getting drunk is probably #2 on the list of most clear and present threats to Bonus Time.

Jimmy Buffet could not be reached for comment at press time.

Bonus Time Hero of the Week

Killer Croc.

An Italian Mafia boss in Florida had been using a crocodile to threaten his enemies and scare them out of money. I know, that's a lot to swallow so I'll give you a minute.

Pretty bad ass, eh? Apparently the croc was discovered while authorities were searching the guys home looking for guns, instead they found a weapon of a different kind.

Antonio Cristofaro had been keeping the nearly 90 pound pet alive by feeding it live rabbits and rats. You know, to keep the taste of warm blood fresh on it's mind. According to animal experts, the crocodile would have been capable of biting off a grown mans arm in one bite.

Cristofaro used the croc to bully mostly entrepreneurs out of extra money. He was charged with illegal animal possession, and it's not clear whether or not he's been arrested.

This is one hell of a way to get things you want. Got a problem? Yeah, well I got a crocodile in my back yard so let's do this. Way to live your Bonus Time, after work I'm gonna go buy a shark, or wolverine or something.

Or maybe a ... Sharverine? Stay tuned....

Thanks to CNN for having this original article on their home page. GO NEWS!

Fuck You, Gmail

This picture rules.

Hey Gmail, fuck off. You were like the coolest shit on Earth for a minute there, e-mail that was easy to use, and chat so I could waste the day talking to all of my friends. But now you're down, AGAIN! This used to be a rare thing, but now it's like every other day. I call bullshit, gmail.

Enough of the excuses and the crap, fix it or someone else make something just as amazing. Maybe it's time for AIM to make a comeback, AOL is the devil but that shit worked back in the day.

Bonus From Beyond the Grave!!!

Is that a lizard in a Santa hat, or are you happy to see me?

Thanks to reader Claire for sending in this link.

Ever think you could enjoy your Bonus Time from beyond the grave? Well the makers of Crappy Taxidermy clearly think so. They've cataloged a collection of posthumous animals living it up, as clearly displayed in the picture above. The websites worth a read, and you can definitely blow a slow afternoon at the office on it. There's no doubt about it, these dearly departed beasties are having a hell of a Bonus Time.

Super Earth Strikes!

Sydney Australia was recently the target of insidious dust attacks.

In a 'freak' occurrence Sydney Australia was blanketed in a thick red dust over night last night. People have described being unable to breathe during the event, and that it reminded them of walking around on Mars (because people have never been to Mars, they must have been recalling an amazing movie like Total Recall, Red Planet, or Doom). Australian scientists are saying that the dust was blown in by unusually strong winds that brought the dust in from the Australian outback (not the restaurant, Bloomin' Onion fiends put down scissors).

However we at Bonus Time all know the real culprit here, Super Earth. If you will recall from my post a few days ago here, Super Earth has it out for regular Earth. And it sounds like this is the first of their strikes at the very heart and soul of humanity, in an attempt to assimilate us into their dreadful population before they even arrive. Hell bent on consuming our home world, this is clearly the first in what we can assume will be several psychological strikes against planet Earth. Unfortunately for our Australian brothers it may already be too late.

Luckily America long ago salvaged anything worthwhile from their culture. The boomerang, giant Foster's Beers, Crocodile Dundee, and Dunkaroos are safe. But we as a people must not take this sitting down. If Super Earth thinks they can take regular Earth this easily then I daresay they haven't watched Independence Day nearly enough. We still have Will Smith, and Earth-loving Martian Jeff Goldblum on our side. And in the end folks, isn't that all we've ever needed?

Amazing.

Baby Shaped Fruit = More Baby Eating

More baby eating...yeesh. A guy in China is growing baby shaped pears. Apparently he was inspired by the classic Chinese story, "A Journey to the West" where a baby shaped fruit would grant a person immortality when eaten. After a few attempts, he eventually found his niche. Using baby shaped molds and a 6 month growth period, the farmer found he was able to grow fruit resembling babies.

So far his profits have gone up ridiculously, and they're a hit in China. The farmer next plans to go international with the fruit, having fruit shaped as biblical characters, and the ever popular and relevant Charlie Chaplain.

Well I'm somewhat at a loss for words here. Yes it comes from a classic novel, but this is the second baby related story I've reported on in the last week. Good for this guy though, he had an original idea and he ran with it despite the odds. Way to spend your Bonus Time pal!

New Ghostshark Found Off California Coast

Nasty bugger, isn't he?

A new species of ghostshark has been identified off of the California coast. That's his picture above, and if you're saying to yourself 'that's a shark?' then you're not alone. He's actually an ancient relative of modern day sharks, not making him your run of the mill jaws.

Scientists describe the ghostshark as having several traits that are shark like, and some that are just plain out there. One of the strangest features the creature is what scientists believe to be a sexual organ, that comes out of his forehead. He's been deemed the scientific name of Hydrolagus melanophasma, but we here at Bonus Time have a more fitting name for him -- Dickhead.

Not too much is known about Richie yet, and in fact he was actually discovered quite some time ago. There is actually a museum specimen of the species at Scripps Oceanographic Institute in California. It wasn't until researchers actually took a closer look at him that they realized he was another species. You can read more about him in the original article found here.

Pretty cool that a new species was discovered, and then confirmed because another one of them had been sitting on a shelf somewhere for years unnoticed. Pretty good Bonus Time for old Tricky Dick there if you ask me.

Oh and I'm not gonna pretend I'd heard of 'ghostsharks' before today, but I hope there are more of them out there. Ghostshark > Regular Shark any day of the week.

Glenn Beck is an American Hero

This was apparently the first time Beck was on TV

Here's him completely losing his shit!

HOW IS THIS GUY ON TV AND NOT ME? I CAN THROW A SHIT FIT BETTER THEN THAT! Anyway, felt I needed to share this... Mr. Beck's not having the best Bonus Time, at least on the whole mental health end. Maybe he should read the blag more.

Here's him crying like a dipshit, then he freaks the fuck out a little more. I love the crying song in the background here by the way. Anyone know what it is?

Bonus Time Loser of the Week

What a jack ass.

Plaxico Burress, the former New York Giants star that accidentally shot himself in the leg a while back has finally been given his sentence. Burress will serve two years for two counts of weapon possession and one count of reckless endangerment. He originally was facing a 3 and a half year sentence, but plead guilty and cut himself a deal back on August 20th. Burress could be out on good behavior after 20 months, and hopes to continue his NFL career following his jail time.

There's just so much wrong with this whole story. This guy not only kissed goodbye (at least for now) his NFL career, but also his toddler son, and wife. All because he needed to stuff an unlicensed gun into his SWEAT PANTS before heading out to the club. Good for the system for making an example out of this guy, and the only positive from this whole thing really is that no one got hurt but Burress. Still, it's sickening to see someone squander so many opportunities, especially during Bonus Time.

This Makes Sense

Picture for picture sake, not necessarily relevance.

No sarcasm in the title there for once:

This article is about the movie District 9 that came out earlier this summer. It deals with a specific subject that left me, and many others scratching their heads as they left the theater. If you haven't seen the movie yet, Nigerians are portrayed in the movie incredibly poorly. They completely make up a gang population within District 9, practicing voodoo, prostitution, and weapons smuggling among other things.

The most that I personally know about Nigeria is that it's not the best place, although I have to admit I'm not in anyway necessarily educated or an expert on Nigeria. But still the portrayal of this country and their people in this movie did serve to shock me. Here is a map of Africa:

District 9 takes place in South Africa, while Nigeria is way the fuck up on the western coast there. To me this was the biggest head scratcher, as why would you seemingly go out of your way to involve Nigerians in the film in such a negative light? I mean in the most plain and simple terms to me at least they're going out of their way here.

In the end District 9 was a pretty good movie, so whatever I can't say I wasn't entertained by it. But good for these people for standing up for themselves. Like I said I really don't know much at all about this country, but if they can stand up and turn themselves around during Bonus Time then good for them.

And on a side note this is the first post that I used the 'lightning guns' tag on where it was actually somewhat relevant. That's a first for the Bonus blog, and probably the last time I'll use that tag as a result.

2001: A Bonus Odyssey

Slow news day, what? No, just re-posting some of the most Bonus-worthy events from 2001 to enlighten all of you. Yes, that's it.

2001
The Common Year/Summer of the Shark

January 8 – Noah, a Gaur, is born, the first individual of an endangered species to be cloned.

January 15 - Wikipedia, a Wiki free content encyclopedia, goes online.

February 12 – The NEAR Shoemaker spacecraft touches down in the "saddle" region of 433 Eros, becoming the first spacecraft to land on an asteroid.

March 5 – Microsoft released Office XP to manufacturing.

April 28 – Soyuz TM-32 lifts off from the Baikonur Cosmodrome, carrying the first space tourist, American Dennis Tito.

May 24 – Sherpa Temba Tsheri, 16, becomes the youngest person to conquer Mount Everest.

July 2 – The world's first self-contained artificial heart is implanted in Robert Tools.

November 22 – Pope John Paul II sends the first papal e-mail from a laptop in his office.

December 27 – Typhoon Vamei forms within 1.5 degrees of the equator. No other tropical cyclone in recorded history has come as close to the equator.

I think the Pope e-mailing thing is the coolest here, just saying.

Paralyzed Rodents Learn to Walk Again

This is Rattrap, a transformer who has nothing to do with this article. He's here because I know if I don't give you guys at least one picture you lose your shit.

Scientists have discovered that a combination of drugs, low level electrical currents, and some good old fashioned exercise have somewhat restored the ability to walk in paralyzed rats. Apparantly for quite some time scientists have been working finding a solution for those who have nerve severing injuries in their spine that lead to paralysis. And while what they've discovered here isn't perfect, it's the next best thing.

According to the article (found here) the practice stimulates nerves that can generate rhythmic activity (walking) without the brain's input. The work around has always been however that while this seems to get muscles twitching in the legs, there was never clear and defined walking going on. This latest experiment seems to have figured that out, at least in rats. Although it's still fairly early in testing, and the rodents could not move without the combination of drugs / electrical currents, it's still a hell of a break through int his kind of thing. On top of all this scientists found that with regular exercise, the rats had greater range of movement and were able to walk backwards, sideways, and even eventually run.

How's that for Bonus Time? One day you can't walk, the next you've got a battery pack on your ass, and you're shooting serotonin into your spine to get you walking again. While this hasn't been tested (at least to our knowledge) on humans yet, who says such a thing is out of the realm of possibilities. After all, it's Bonus Time!

We should have seen this coming

So in Switzerland they have these things called "Swarm Robots" that are a bunch of little robots that team up with one another to complete tasks that they could not complete otherwise. Here's a video of them kidnapping a child:

Anyway, these little guys have been recently assigned to a group task to find "food" together. Once one bot located the food, it would light a blue light signaling for the rest of the bots to head over and feast. However as the bots evolved and "reproduced" over what are considered virtual generations, programmers began to see something completely unexpected in their mechanical subjects, they were beginning to lie to one another. Bots were beginning to shine their blue lights when they had not found the "food" or not shine them at all. Interestingly enough, as the virtual generations continued, bots would also attempt to deceive one another more or less based on how much deception had gone on in prior generations. If all of the bots "parents" were lying, then there would be fewer liars in that generation, because then no one would believe one another.

It got to the point that after 500 virtual generations some robots lied, some robots didn't, some robots still followed the blue lights, some ignored them completely. An interesting little twist as this is in essence animal behavior evolving in robots. Pretty creepy, huh? But in the end, we all know that there are good robots and bad robots, so is this really all that shocking? Are these little buzzers the the predecessors to Megatron and Optimus Prime?

While it may spell an ill omen for humanity, good for robots! This is one hell of a way to be spending your Bonus Time!

If you're more interested in these guys, there's a few more articles on them here:
http://www.botjunkie.com/2009/08/19/swarm-robots-evolve-deception/
Thanks to reader Phil for providing me with the link. Lotta robot news lately though, I'm getting a little freaked out.

Gross

Discovering some kind of weird unidentifiable creature, and then stoning it to death? Not too shabby, a big tip of the hat to the youth of Panama on this one. I think it's a sloth, a sloth from HELL.

Mini T. Rex = Newest Celebrity Fad?

According to CNN scientists have discovered fossils of Mini T-Rex in China

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/09/17/tiny.t-rex.dinosaur.discovered/index.html

Scientists discovered a dinosaur that they are now calling "Raptorex" (Raptorex?  Holy shit!  More on that later.) that weighed 100 times less than a T-Rex.  This is mainly a shock because scientists have surmised that a T-Rex was supposedly built the way it was (Big head, big legs, stupid little arms) because of it's size.  Now they've got this thing, and it can only be assumed that it hunted and acted in the same way as a Rex, only in a much smaller, cuter, and admittidly hilarios fashion.  Raptorex died about 60 million years before T-Rex existed, likely after their whole population was forced into a giant locker for being such little dweebs.

An unlikely end for the king of the dinosaurs.

What does this mean for T-Rex and Bonus Time though?  Could the Rex see a return as a genetically engineered accessory to the stars?  Mini-poodles, pugs, and chihauhas have all been accesorized into the outfits of the rich and famous, who is to say that a Raptorex might not be the next big thing to walk down the red carpet with?  The potential for fashion, and fatalities are numerous, and we can only hope that this is the path science choses to follow with this discovery.  With all the other animals we've seen cloned during Bonus Time (See our Facebook catalog) it's not a far stretch to think that with enough demand, scientsts would go Jurassic Park.

Also, Raptorex?  How did this thing not take over the fucking world?  If I weren't sitting here right now, I'd say it did.  

Bonus Time Events

So on Facebook we've got a section where it's Bonus related events that have taken place in the years prior to Bonus Time beginning.  They're all contained in a giant list, in a section a lot of people probably naturally wouldn't click on.  What does this mean?  We're reposting it on the blog, because no one's probably ever read all of them.  I'm gonna do this year by year though, so it's a little easier to handle.  This should give you the reader a little more insight into what's been special about the last 9 years, and help you live your life to it's most Bonus stuffed potential.

Because it would be wierd to start with 2005, we're going to start with 2000:

2000
International Year for the Culture of Peace

January 1 – The world enters Y2K without serious, widespread computer failures, despite fears to the contrary.  Bonus Time begins.

February 13 – The final original Peanuts comic strip is published, following the death of its creator, Charles Schulz.

March 1 – The Constitution of Finland is rewritten.

April 22 – In a predawn raid, federal agents seize 6-year old Elián González from his relatives' home in Miami, Florida and fly him to his Cuban father in Washington, DC, ending one of the most publicized custody battles in U.S. history.

May 11 – The billionth living person in India is born.

June 26 – A preliminary draft of genomes, as part of the Human Genome Project, is finished.

July 2 – France beats Italy 2-1 to win Euro 2000 with a golden goal.

August 8 – The Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor.

September 14 – Microsoft releases Windows ME.

October 31 - DJ Screw's last Halloween.

December 31 – The Millennium Dome closes its doors one year to the day of its opening.

That wasn't that bad, was it?

Rise of the Machines

Yeah that's a robot that can (kinda) play soccer.  Pretty crazy, you'd think a robot would be into other things like oh I dunno, killing?  Anyway, the guy who invented this thing said that Hajime 33 (the robot) is just one step closer to him fulfilling his dream of making a Gundam.  A Gundam for anyone who is not aware is a robot exo suit that effeminate anime teen boys ride around in killing each other (and sometimes hugging / dancing with one another).  The current bot is controlled by a ps3 controller, is 6'5" and weighs about 40 pounds.  A far stretch from a terminator, or a gundam but still a hell of a way to be living your Bonus Time.

This Gundam is traveling to Grandma's house.

Bonus Time Winners

Going through the news today and picked up a very Bonus-y story on CNN.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/20/texas.prisoner.escape/index.html

If you're too lazy to click here's the deal.  This guy was arrested for stealing things then beating people up.  He's then sentenced to 35 years in Texas prison (read: they're gonna give him the chair, one of these days.) and is basicly fucked.  But then, in a very pro-Bonus Time decision he decides to escape from said prison in the most ridiculous and unbelievable style possible: a bunch of sheets tied together.  Yes that's right, he busted a hole in his wall, and then proceeded to rappel down the side of the prison using a series of tied together bed sheets.  Amazing, the last time I heard of that happening was in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Now while we can't necessarily condone the actions that lead this guy to be placed in prison, that's still a hell of a way to be living your Bonus Time.  Getting sent to prison for living your life how you want to, and then leaving not too shabby.

Lazy Friday News Bit

Here's a great one from CNN:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/09/18/3D.home.television/index.html

Essentially the article says that 3D television is going to be available in homes in 2010.  At first I thought this was a pretty Bonus-y idea, but then I remembered it wasn't 1980 anymore.  3D stuff is pretty cool, but is this Bonus Time material?  Maybe you could say that 3D itself is living it's Bonus Time to the fullest.  Yes, I think we'll go with that, go 3D!

The last thing I saw in 3D in a theatre was Spy Kids 3D when I was in High School.  It was an amazing experience (read: I was high as shit), although one of my friends got pretty sick.  He was kinda a fag though.  Regardless, Sly Stalone was better in that movie than he has been in years.

Amazing.

Bonus Time Hero Profile: Shaq

In Bonus Time we have a few different categories of people we like to focus on. Those are heroes, villains, icons, babes and members of overtime. A library of most of those different characters can be seen on our facebook page, and some of you may be familiar with most of if not all of them already. But as a special treat on the blog I wanted to go over a few of them here and there as they stick out in the media.

A Bonus Time hero is someone who is more often then not in the public eye (a celebrity, politician, sports start, etc.) that is living their Bonus Time to the very best of their capabilities. When flipping through the television channels last night it was clear to me who would be the first of our focus series.

If you click on this picture and print it out, you will have your own Shaq mask!

Shaq has really turned it on since the year 2000. It's almost like the big man knew Bonus Time had began before all of us, because if you look at his achievements following 2000 it's ridiculous. Not only did he win MVP in 2000, but he's also won 4 NBA world championships, and a ridiculous other number of almost MVP's and finals MVP's. But that's not all....

Shaq also revived his status as one of the most legendary rappers of all time. In 2006 after winning his fourth NBA championship he decided to fan the flames of his old rivalry with former team mate Kobe Bryant while also sending tremors through the rap world with his lyrical skill, and unrivaled prose.

Shaq also has taken his ability to the next level, challenging athletes from many different sports to compete against them in their own sport in his show "Shaq Vs." So far Shaq has had a home run derby against Albert Pujols, boxed Oscar Delahoya, swam against Michael Phelps, played football with Ben Roethlisberger and played beach volleyball with some hot chicks.

I'm pretty sure at some point in the video he hits a home run!

Regardless the big man has really turned it on since 2000, and makes a clear and inspiring case for being a Bonus Time hero.

A lifelong dream realized

During Bonus Time it's fun to experience life long dreams that maybe in some other periods of human history. Today my friend and esteemed colleague Max sent me a link that assist not just me, but hopefully you the reader in fulfilling a life long dream.

Baby eating!

What other wonders will we see during Bonus Time? After seeing a cake made to resemble a life like baby, well one can truly only dream...

Bonus Time Winners

Today we have a special honorary hero of Bonus Time. Whoever the guy is calling 9/11 in this video is amazing.

Well he was trying to enjoy his Bonus Time, so he gets points for effort right?

Super Earth vs. Regular Earth

Does Super Earth spell the end of Regular Earth?

Everyone once in a while during Bonus Time we skip across a news story that is truly Bonus-riffic (kinda close to Boneriffic I know, not sure if we'll stick with that).  It turns out scientists have discovered a new planet outside of our Solar System, and while they seem to do this all the time, they're claiming this is the first rocky one they have discovered.

Scientists are calling this new planet "Super Earth" because it's fucking huge.  The thing is the size of Neptune, which is roughly 17 times the size of Earth.  17 times is a lot, and I know in general people have a tough time dealing with massive things they can't understand but fuck that's gigantic.  Apparantly however there is a catch as Super Earth is way too close to it's own star to support any life.  Scientists are describing Super Earth as having ridiculous temperatures that range from 1000-1500 degrees during the day time, and something ridiculously cold for night time.  

So gigantic fucking planet that's kinda like Earth with no life, what's the big deal?  Well here at Bonus Time we have our own scientists, and they have something else to say about this.  Ala Doomsday (the guy who killed Superman way back when) this planet is clearly home to some kind of hyper evolved ultra survivor species, and it's clear that in declaring themselves Super Earth they have their eyes set on destroying our little blue and green ball of mud.

Good luck fighting this guy, genius!

So what can you do about this, and why should you care?  Well first, you can't do shit because let's think about it you bitch when it goes over 100 degrees.  Whatever lives on that planet regularly deals with 1000+ degree temperatures.  Secondly why should you care?  Well because when these assholes do get to Earth, they're going to completely push our shit in.  Is Super Earth how Bonus Time will inevitably end?  The Bonus Time psychic team is doing their best to try and forecast these events, but so far we've got nothing.  

Enjoy your Bonus Time while it lasts Earthling!

PSA: How not to live your Bonus Time.

So far we've posted mostly things that will help you live your life positively in Bonus Time. However we will also occasionally be posting items that show how NOT to live your life during Bonus Time. The picture below is an example of just that. No more words will follow.

Education tim

Watch these videos till your eyes bleed. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER IF YOU DONT HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE HOW ARE YOU POWERFUL?

Whoring ourselves out a bit

In case you're not in the know, which to even get to this blog you probably have to be... Bonus Time is on Facebook and twitter. Find us at the following links:

http://twitter.com/bonustime

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bonus-Time/76598543045?ref=ts

I really like that picture.

Bonus Time Lifestyles

To some people realizing that it's Bonus Time right now can be a fantastic revelation. Some people upon having this revelation have a sense that their life is complete, that they finally understand why the world is the way it is, and why they live their life like they do. For others however it's not such an easy road. The idea that it is Bonus Time right now can be somewhat overwhelming for certain people. Some are upset that they've lived the last 9 years unaware of what was going on, desiring to make up for lost time and live their lives as Bonus-y as possible.

It is for these people that we've decided to put together this thread. We hope to focus on Bonus Time and the idea of helping people live their lives during Bonus Time. Today we're going to start with a few pointers on how to get by if you've just become aware of Bonus Time, or ideas that more seasoned Bonus veterans can use to re assert their love for Bonus Time.


Start Telling Other People About Bonus Time:
This is easy enough, but many people do not realize that this is one of the areas where they likely neglect Bonus Time the very most. Bonus Time comes up at every moment in every single day of our lives, because of course it is Bonus Time right now. If you are not finding ways to spread the word, and to include Bonus Time in every day conversation, then you're not only cheating yourself, but you're cheating those around you. And cheaters are fucking assholes, so if that's what you're doing go fuck yourself. Some tips for spreading the word about Bonus Time:

• Interrupt other people's conversations to talk to them about Bonus Time.

This one may seem like a bit of a stretch at first, but following the year 2000 we've all been living on borrowed time. Most people realize this somewhere in the back of their heads, but have yet to fully come to terms with this in their lives. This means that they are essentially on "auto-pilot" and have been for the last 9 years. What this equates to is 99% of what they talk about in their everyday lives being complete and utter bull shit.
Who gives a fuck about your new shirt, your children's after school sports activity, or the fat chick you picked up at the after hours bar because you couldn't bear to cry yourself to sleep on another lonely saturday night? No one, that's who. Save yourself from incredible boredom, and help turn a friends life around by completely disregarding whatever shit they try to talk to you about, and ram some Bonus Time down their throat.

• Use the "Broken Record"

If you have a friend who you feel really should be getting Bonus Time but isn't, it's important to bring the idea up to them as much as possible. Nothing is more successful then not just interrupting things a friend is talking about, but constantly doing so, and on top of that regularly bringing up Bonus Time at any point where conversation is possible. Go as far as to take it a step further, steal your friends ideas and proclaim that you had them first, or that the ideas were originally created by Bonus Time. If there is anything better then forcing your opinions on someone else, it's telling them that their opinions are not even their own, and that they're lying thieves for having them.

• Sign every phone number in your phone book up for the Bonus Time Blip

You are probably aware of the Bonus Time Blip (and if you are not feel free to e-mail us at BonusTimes@gmail.com to sign up!) the official Bonus Time cellphone newsletter. For those who are not I will briefly go over the blip.
The Bonus Time blip serves to send Bonus Time related messages to Bonus Time fans at specifically and strategically chosen moments to inspire to live their lives in a more Bonus Time specific style. Most often done on a weekend to get people super ultra pumped up, the Bonus Time Blip serves to send a positive message to brighten peoples days, and their Bonus Time. Everyone who has ever gotten a Bonus Time blip agrees that they have never been, and arguably never will be more glad then the first time they got a blip.
Wow, even I'm floored by that description! Sounds like you should be a part of this, so again e-mail us at BonusTimes@gmail.com if you'd like to sign up, and if you are already signed up feel free to e-mail us all of the cell phone numbers in your phone so that you can sign up your friends and loved ones. It's pretty much like signing someone up for a charity but not a completely stupid waste of time, you won't regret it.

Hopefully the three ideas above will help you transition into a more "Bonus-y" lifestyle. That's it for now, but we will have more suggestions later down the line.

Bonus Time is happening

This will be the first of hopefully an on going series.  A lot of people are surprised to hear that it is Bonus Time, but at the same time openly welcome the idea.  As you likely already know, because it's written up there a little bit, and if you're reading this you're already a fan of the facebook, that Bonus Time started in the year 2000 when the world was supposed to end but didn't.  That's a lot to swallow all at once isn't it?  But when you think about it, not really.  You see a lot of crazy shit has gone on since the year 2000, yeah you're gettin me now aren't you, maybe it's the type of shit that wouldn't necessarily go on?  Unless maybe the world was supposed to end already?  Yeah, now you got me.  

So we're going to take some time on the blog to talk about some of the crazier shit that the Bonus Time staff feels has gone down since 2000, to help catch you the faithful reader up.  Because I am lazy, the first one is going to be a repost from the bonus time facebook.  I'm reposting it because you probably didn't read it, and I thought it was funny and so did my mom so fuck you guys.  (I'm only mentioning it's a repost because the first paragraph will seem out of place unless I do.)

By now it is evident that all members of Bonus Time have surely read and memorized all of the super ultra important Bonus Time facts. As these are really important, we have decided to focus on a few of the facts in a more in depth manner, in hopes of exploring further the nature of Bonus Time, and creating a dialogue between members regarding Bonus Time. The first fact we will focus on will come from the year 2000:

February 13 – The final original Peanuts comic strip is published, following the death of its creator, Charles Schulz.

This fact has clear implications across the Bonus Time spectrum, as the Peanuts comic strip coming to an end thusly ended the mad ravings of a man bent on a vision of a post apocalyptic future that has yet to come. We are all familiar with Peanuts, Charles Shultz' interpretation of the world after a nuclear fall out, with deformed malnourished and radiation sick children struggling to survive in the wastelands of our once great nation.

From the first blasts of attempted vocal contact from their mutated elders, their interaction with grossly mutated and at times highly intelligent species (read Snoopy, Woodstock), and from the last hair that fell from the balding, disfigured head of Charlie Brown, it was clear what we were looking at. Peanuts in it's own way did a fantastic job of showing us just how terrible man kind can truly be if left to his own devices. It is in Bonus Time that we must learn from these lessons, and use our Time to avoid the future that was depicted in this hellish comic strip.