Rumblings from the Kremlin = Possible Mecha Stalin?

This definitely happened.

Recently it seems like Russia has been trying to spruce up the image of their old beloved leader, Joey "The Original Man of Steel" Stalin.

It all started last year when a Russian school book began referring to their former leader as an "effective manager" and the hero who led them to victory in World War II. In the past Russia has painted the former dictator in a harsher light, painting him as a murderer and tyrant.

But it seems Russians are warming up to him more and more, last year in an online poll he was voted the third greatest Russian ever, regardless of his Georgian roots. And earlier this year the Moscow metro station re-installed a bronze plaque praising Stalin that had previously been removed.

Now in more recent news, Stalin's grandson is taking a Russian news paper to court, after it published an article saying Stalin personally signed off on the deaths of Soviets. Yevgeny Dzhugashvili, Stalin's grandson, is saying that is a lie, while the paper, the Novaya Gazeta, is saying declassified death warrants have Stalin's own signature on them. A Moscow court has agreed to hear the case, and Stalin supporters gathered outside of the court house yesterday were quick to support the legacy of the former dictator. Supporters cited times when Russia was still "respected and feared" referring to Russians now simply as "beggars."

Sounds to me like the Old Bear wants to wake up from it's slumber, and they've really only know one way to do that, bring back Stalin. I mean if he could have won World War II while fighting not only Nazis, but Martians, what can the man not do for Russia? But how will we see Stalin return?

Mecha Stalin?

Hybrid Man-Bear Stalin?

Or just good old Zombie Stalin?

It's clear the Ruskies have some kind of aberration of nature coming down the ol' Pipeline. But what will it be, and what will the results of such a horrific being be? Will the United States respond with Mecha Patton? Zombie FDR? Or Hybrid Man-Eagle Obama? It's far too soon to tell, but we should all at this moment be grateful that the United States, in the form of Sarah Palin's backyard, is keeping their eyes on this situation.

Super Earth Strikes!

Sydney Australia was recently the target of insidious dust attacks.

In a 'freak' occurrence Sydney Australia was blanketed in a thick red dust over night last night. People have described being unable to breathe during the event, and that it reminded them of walking around on Mars (because people have never been to Mars, they must have been recalling an amazing movie like Total Recall, Red Planet, or Doom). Australian scientists are saying that the dust was blown in by unusually strong winds that brought the dust in from the Australian outback (not the restaurant, Bloomin' Onion fiends put down scissors).

However we at Bonus Time all know the real culprit here, Super Earth. If you will recall from my post a few days ago here, Super Earth has it out for regular Earth. And it sounds like this is the first of their strikes at the very heart and soul of humanity, in an attempt to assimilate us into their dreadful population before they even arrive. Hell bent on consuming our home world, this is clearly the first in what we can assume will be several psychological strikes against planet Earth. Unfortunately for our Australian brothers it may already be too late.

Luckily America long ago salvaged anything worthwhile from their culture. The boomerang, giant Foster's Beers, Crocodile Dundee, and Dunkaroos are safe. But we as a people must not take this sitting down. If Super Earth thinks they can take regular Earth this easily then I daresay they haven't watched Independence Day nearly enough. We still have Will Smith, and Earth-loving Martian Jeff Goldblum on our side. And in the end folks, isn't that all we've ever needed?

Amazing.