Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
North Pole on the Run!
Maaaan on the ruuuun.According to this article from the internet, the North pole is moving. And no not in some silly "the ice is melting" sense, in that actual magnetic north is moving, and at an alarming rate. The pole itself is now moving at 37 miles a year toward America's most ancient enemy, Russia. That may not seem like something that's moving very quickly, but keep in mind that 100 years ago the pole was moving at only 9 miles per year, and in the other direction, toward freedom.
Scientists believe that the movement may be a natural fluctuation, or even a switching of the poles, an event thought to take place about every 300,000 years (it's been 780,000 since the last swap). This scenario would be terrible news, as the swap would devastate the Earth and likely wipe man off of the planet. The other theory is that the magnetic field itself is actually dispersing, another terrible reality as without the field we'd be fried by the sun in about 3 seconds. Both Doomsday scenarios, and you know how we love a Doomsday scenario here at Bonus Time! However we've decided to take a crack at this one and certainly hope that you'll find our scenarios far more believable than the hocus pocus science bullshit you might have heard.
First Scenario:
Scientists believe that the movement may be a natural fluctuation, or even a switching of the poles, an event thought to take place about every 300,000 years (it's been 780,000 since the last swap). This scenario would be terrible news, as the swap would devastate the Earth and likely wipe man off of the planet. The other theory is that the magnetic field itself is actually dispersing, another terrible reality as without the field we'd be fried by the sun in about 3 seconds. Both Doomsday scenarios, and you know how we love a Doomsday scenario here at Bonus Time! However we've decided to take a crack at this one and certainly hope that you'll find our scenarios far more believable than the hocus pocus science bullshit you might have heard.
First Scenario:
Super Earth is using a giant space vacuum to steal our magnetic field.
Yes - as in the cult classic space tale 'Spaceballs' it is entirely possible that Super Earth is using some kind of giant laser, or vacuum, to steal or destroy our Magnetic Field. Now I've gone over the threat of Super Earth before, and I'm sure it's one that you're already familiar with. But for any new comers, let me spell it out to you. Super Earth is a gigantic planet, about a million times the size of Earth and they've got it out for us. You see Super Earth is not the most hospitable place to live, it rains fire and the seas shit blood, Super Earthicans as far as we can tell revel in only one thing: the complete and utter destruction of Regular Earth.
And as we've seen so far, they'll stop at almost nothing to get to us. Whether by using psychological warfare in Australia, or sending their Titanic babies to destroy our population, it's clear they know no restraint when it comes to wiping our little blue and green ball of mud off of the face of the galaxy. It's now clear that they've turned their sights on us once again, in an even more deadly than ever show of force.
There is however a second theory, one that may be even more deadly than the first:
And as we've seen so far, they'll stop at almost nothing to get to us. Whether by using psychological warfare in Australia, or sending their Titanic babies to destroy our population, it's clear they know no restraint when it comes to wiping our little blue and green ball of mud off of the face of the galaxy. It's now clear that they've turned their sights on us once again, in an even more deadly than ever show of force.
There is however a second theory, one that may be even more deadly than the first:
Mecha Stalin has teamed up with Magneto and the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants in an attempt to destroy Bonus Time and human life on Earth!
Yeah THIS Magneto.
Yeah THIS Magneto.If you haven't had a heart attack by now, I don't know what will phase you, and you may very well be a robot yourself!
I -- I'm sorry, let me relax for a moment. It's just that the nature of the crime, and where the pole is heading only really tell us two things very plainly, that Magneto and Joseph Stalin are very likely involved. As mentioned a few months back, it's very likely that Joseph Stalin is back and it's very likely he's got an axe to grind with his old nemesis America.
Now it's common knowledge that this country pretty much owns everything worthwhile, but let's go over a short list:
Ridiculous consumerism?
Done.
Jews that get Christmas presents anyway?
Done.
Kwanza?
Done.
As you can see this threat stands to effect pretty much everyone on Earth. Plus what kind of psychological effect will that have on us? If Russia takes the North Pole then what's next, Apple Pie, Baseball, Childhood obesity?
And who better for Stalin to team with other than Magneto? He's got a checkered history of hating America and humans in general. And you may be saying, wait a minute why would Magneto team with Stalin a known human? Well the answer there is that Magneto has either made this temporary alliance to benefit himself for the time being, or there's more to Stalin's resurrection than meets the eye, perhaps he too is a mutant.
Only time will tell which of these two evils are truly at work here, but stay alert Boners. Sooner or later action is going to have to be taken against this very real, and very anti-Bonus threat. And I daresay tinfoil hats may not even save us this time!
I -- I'm sorry, let me relax for a moment. It's just that the nature of the crime, and where the pole is heading only really tell us two things very plainly, that Magneto and Joseph Stalin are very likely involved. As mentioned a few months back, it's very likely that Joseph Stalin is back and it's very likely he's got an axe to grind with his old nemesis America.
Now it's common knowledge that this country pretty much owns everything worthwhile, but let's go over a short list:
- The Moon
- Cheeseburgers
- Beer
- Skittles
- And of course, Christmas and therefore the North Pole
Ridiculous consumerism?
Done.
Jews that get Christmas presents anyway?
Done.
Kwanza?
Done.
As you can see this threat stands to effect pretty much everyone on Earth. Plus what kind of psychological effect will that have on us? If Russia takes the North Pole then what's next, Apple Pie, Baseball, Childhood obesity?
And who better for Stalin to team with other than Magneto? He's got a checkered history of hating America and humans in general. And you may be saying, wait a minute why would Magneto team with Stalin a known human? Well the answer there is that Magneto has either made this temporary alliance to benefit himself for the time being, or there's more to Stalin's resurrection than meets the eye, perhaps he too is a mutant.
Only time will tell which of these two evils are truly at work here, but stay alert Boners. Sooner or later action is going to have to be taken against this very real, and very anti-Bonus threat. And I daresay tinfoil hats may not even save us this time!
Obligatory FOLLOW US Post
Do it.
Yes well, that is not to say that we don't feel like you all wouldn't follow us to the ends of the Earth, because we know you would. However we're more interested in your digital selves, and hope that if you are not already that you'll consider following Bonus Time on Facebook and Twitter. After all, if there is any way to measure pure COOL in a number, it's how many Facebook Fans and Twitter followers you have. Facebook is doing okay, but Twitter is practically flatlining, and were it not for ourselves and a few porno adds I fear that we'd be left with nothing at all. So be a pal and click on the boxes on the left, we'll love love love you for it.
Miracle Anniversary
Dr. Quinn references are the best references.
Believe it or not it's been one year since Captain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger crash landed his passenger airplane on the Hudson River. Crash landed is of course probably the wrong term to use, as the pilot, after experiencing severe engine failure was able to save the lives of everyone on the plane. In a few moments of focus, keeping his cool, and stepping up under pressure, Sully saved the lives of 155 people, effectively extending the Bonus Time of all those on board beyond the paltry 9 years they would have been forced to settle with.
It is because of this (and the fact that we didn't really have anything on the web during January of last year) that we here at Bonus Time have decided to salute Sully, and officially make him a hero of Bonus Time. It's one thing to live your Bonus Time to the fullest, but it's another to save the Bonus Time of other people.
And for you readers I hope your ears are perking up (so to speak) as you read, because there's something inherently special about this anniversary, and about this hero. We have discussed in the past with you that Bonus Time exists, but this is the first mention of Bonus Time being something one can extend. So next time you make a decision, think twice. Not only will it effect your Bonus Time, but it may just end up effecting how much Bonus Time you actually have.
It is because of this (and the fact that we didn't really have anything on the web during January of last year) that we here at Bonus Time have decided to salute Sully, and officially make him a hero of Bonus Time. It's one thing to live your Bonus Time to the fullest, but it's another to save the Bonus Time of other people.
And for you readers I hope your ears are perking up (so to speak) as you read, because there's something inherently special about this anniversary, and about this hero. We have discussed in the past with you that Bonus Time exists, but this is the first mention of Bonus Time being something one can extend. So next time you make a decision, think twice. Not only will it effect your Bonus Time, but it may just end up effecting how much Bonus Time you actually have.
TRIPPY, BRO.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
BONUS TIME EXTRAS
Just when you thought it was safe to go in the kitchen.
107.685 views per minute. Thats how many times the original Charlie bit me video on youtube is viewed a minute, a total of 148,368,719 at the time of this writing. Why is this important? Because Charlie and Harry from the Charlie bit me video are Extras, people born during Bonus Time.
Yes there are quite a few amazing things that we've gotten and have been able to experience so far in Bonus Time, but the idea that countless people would not exist if not for Bonus Time is truly incredible.
But are Extras a good thing or a bad thing. Only time will tell, with the aid of course of our very influence. Will it be an Extra that starts World War 3, will an Extra be the first man on Mars? What will the children of two Extras represent?
The potential that Extras represent very well may be limitless. So far there are only a few other bonus worth extras aside from Charlie and Harry, that kid who's all fucked up after he went to the dentist, the little Korean kid, Hero who sang Beatles songs, and the serious face baby.
Bonus Time Best of 2000-2009
Barack O'Bama
Ahoy Boners. While most other websites got their "best of 2000's" lists out of the way last month, we decided to hold off and be sure about ours. Afterall, something else could have happened toward the end of December, like Terrorist Christmas. But it is without further delay that we give you the winner of the 00's, the most Bonusy event of all of the 2000's:
The Election of Barack Obama.
Yeah we here at Bonus Time have been pretty quiet about Obama so far, but there's no denying that the first black president was the quite bonustly the most bonus event of the 00's. Without Bonus Time this milestone would have never taken place.
It is also with this realization that Bonus Time would like to officially endorse Barack Obama in his presidential bid, good luck in November Bammy.
Runner Up:
We love youtube, and it only lost by a hair but it still lost, haha.
Honorable Mentions:
- Playstation 2
- Bottled Water
- 50 Cent
- Pomegranate
- WiFi
- Sasha Baron Cohen
- Wikipedia
- The King
- iPod
- Water Bears
Best Death goes to MJ, although he has to provide a corpse soon or no dice. Runner up best death is Steve Irwin. Honorable mentions are Shaq & Kobe, Hunter S. Thompson, Anna Nicole Smith, Big Pun, Johnny Cash, Heath Ledger, Charles Shultz and Rosa Parks.
Friday, January 8, 2010
WOW!!!!WATER BEARS!!!!!!!HOLYSHIT!!!!!
Hello friends and countrymen, below you will find the finest examples of Tardigrades in the known universe. These are of course also known as Water Bears, the mascot beings of Bonus Time. Enjoy their rascally antics as you wonder yourself, what is it like to be invincible?
The Loss of a Legend
Tsutomu Yamaguchi known by friends as "Lucky"Back in the summer of 1945, Tsutomu Yamaguchi, a Nagaski Japan native, was on business in Hiroshima Japan. It had been a three month long trip by the time the morning of August 6th rolled around, and Yamaguchi was eager to put the finishing touches on his trip by visiting the shipyard he had been dealing with one final time - he was to return to his native Nagasaki just a day later. Yamaguchi would make it to the shipyard, and eventually home, but the story involving that is what truly makes this man amazing.
History buffs have likely already caught onto where this story is going already. But the good spirited Yamaguchi describes in a 2005 interview clearly remembering the morning, a nice summer day, nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, at least of course until he heard a single plane flying overhead.
This plane of course was the B-29 Bomber Enola Gay piloted by a young Colonel Paul Tibbets. The payload was "Little Boy" the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. Yamaguchi's story does not however end here. As the resilient man survived the first bomb, of course deciding to high tail it out of Hiroshima as fast as possible. And where else would he go, but home to Nagasaki, where he would fall victim to and survive the second atomic bomb blast. That's right, one man, two atomic bombs, zero deaths.
Yamaguchi would go on to live a very long life, he did however pass away just a few days ago on January 4th, at the age of 93. It was stomach cancer that finally brought the old man down, although he had sworn off both drinking and smoking at age 50. He is the only documented survivor of both of the atomic bomb drops on Japan, attacks that killed about 260,000 people in total. In 2006 Yamaguchi took it upon himself as the only living witness to both of these attacks to go before the UN and speak out against nuclear arms, feeling that well into his twilight it was still his responsibility to pass on what he knew to the people of the world.
And why exactly did he feel that way? Having not known or never having met the man I can't say for sure, but this quote from last year might shine some light onto his reasoning,
History buffs have likely already caught onto where this story is going already. But the good spirited Yamaguchi describes in a 2005 interview clearly remembering the morning, a nice summer day, nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, at least of course until he heard a single plane flying overhead.
This plane of course was the B-29 Bomber Enola Gay piloted by a young Colonel Paul Tibbets. The payload was "Little Boy" the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. Yamaguchi's story does not however end here. As the resilient man survived the first bomb, of course deciding to high tail it out of Hiroshima as fast as possible. And where else would he go, but home to Nagasaki, where he would fall victim to and survive the second atomic bomb blast. That's right, one man, two atomic bombs, zero deaths.
Yamaguchi would go on to live a very long life, he did however pass away just a few days ago on January 4th, at the age of 93. It was stomach cancer that finally brought the old man down, although he had sworn off both drinking and smoking at age 50. He is the only documented survivor of both of the atomic bomb drops on Japan, attacks that killed about 260,000 people in total. In 2006 Yamaguchi took it upon himself as the only living witness to both of these attacks to go before the UN and speak out against nuclear arms, feeling that well into his twilight it was still his responsibility to pass on what he knew to the people of the world.
And why exactly did he feel that way? Having not known or never having met the man I can't say for sure, but this quote from last year might shine some light onto his reasoning,
"I could have died on either of those days. Everything that follows is a bonus."
Farewell Tsutomu Yamaguchi, Bonus Time and man itself have truly lost one of our champions.
For a more detailed look at his story please read http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/6943088/Tsutomu-Yamaguchi.html
For a more detailed look at his story please read http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/6943088/Tsutomu-Yamaguchi.html
PCP & You!
FRIDAY
Two video posts in a row? Yeah well, these are all pretty frikken hilarious. And how do these videos relate to Bonus Time? Don't do the shit you see in these videos during Bonus Time!
Very pleasant music, and I have to say I was a fan of both the tribal dance the man was doing in the beginning, and the look of wonderment and joy when he found himself immune to the traffic he was dancing through! The onlooker in the truck who ALMOST turned left, but then decided to do a U-Turn instead wins good samaritan of the year award in my book.
I guess I'd get naked if I were bleeding that much too, I mean why not, right? The highlight of this video I think was the hole this gentleman punched in the fence. Not only is there some monster force behind that hit, but it's arguable that had he punched a second, or even slightly wider hole that he would have gotten through that fence. I bet that lady cop is pretty glad he didn't turn his sights on her.
This one is the grand finale, and I think you'll agree I saved the best for last. From the humble beginning of the officer fumbling with embarrassment as he explains the situation to the the cameraman, to the stand off itself this video is second to none. Questions to ask yourself when viewing include:
Very pleasant music, and I have to say I was a fan of both the tribal dance the man was doing in the beginning, and the look of wonderment and joy when he found himself immune to the traffic he was dancing through! The onlooker in the truck who ALMOST turned left, but then decided to do a U-Turn instead wins good samaritan of the year award in my book.
I guess I'd get naked if I were bleeding that much too, I mean why not, right? The highlight of this video I think was the hole this gentleman punched in the fence. Not only is there some monster force behind that hit, but it's arguable that had he punched a second, or even slightly wider hole that he would have gotten through that fence. I bet that lady cop is pretty glad he didn't turn his sights on her.
This one is the grand finale, and I think you'll agree I saved the best for last. From the humble beginning of the officer fumbling with embarrassment as he explains the situation to the the cameraman, to the stand off itself this video is second to none. Questions to ask yourself when viewing include:
- Do all of the lights on in this school imply children are present in some kind of afterschool activity?
- None of his clothing is seemingly present, did this man leave the house nude?
- A school, really?
- The fire extinguishers, did you really need ALL of those fire extinguishers?
I'm going to cheat and tell you that the answers to all of these questions are an emphatic yes, but I'm sure you had realized that by now already. I hope you've enjoyed these wonderful videos, Happy Friday!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)