Going Green Part 3

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(Note: The following contribution is by guest writer Bonustron, a reformed Killbot from an alternate future.)

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Bonus Time Goes Green Day 2

Yum!

Ahoy, Boners! Time for Day 2 of Bonus Time Going Green! Today we're going to discuss everyone's favorite futuristic food source; Man!

It's no secret that there is a serious food shortage on this planet, and that said shortage is seriously screwing with people's Bonus Time. Some people might argue for alternative forms of farming, such as farming on roof tops of cities, some might say increase cattle or poultry breeding, others would look at their own right arm and salivate. And why not?

Now I'm not saying we should go out and invest in wholesale slaughter of human beings. This isn't some kind of Apocalyptic every man for himself scenario, more an idea for recycling, safe recycling. An average human male likely has at least 100 pounds of edible meat on him at the time of his death, so why should we just throw that body in the ground for worms to eat? People are much cooler than worms, we have hair!

If we all knew we were going to be eaten one day it might inspire us to take better care of our bodies as well. If you know that one day you're going to be sliced up and dined upon, wouldn't you take better care of yourself? I daresay it would be down right embarrassing to be someone's dish that they turned away because the cut was too fatty, or because the aftertaste was too eerily similar to that of White Castle Burgers. Hell, eating our own population could actually end up fighting obesity in the long term as well.

This would also alleviate the stress on our nations already overcrowded graveyard system. Did you know that some of the most high profile graveyards in the country have a 10+ year long waiting list to get into? That high profile gravesites can sometimes cost more than a home itself? And isn't it everyday that we hear in the news, an ashamed parent admitting they've pissed away their child's college savings to secure themselves a coveted burial plot?

It's time to fight back against world hunger, and graveyard overpopulation, and start eating our dearly departed.

The Bonus Time Blog Has Gone Green

God bless my ability (or lack thereof) to edit images.

Friends I'm sure you've realized by now, and are incredibly excited about the fact that the Bonus Time Blog has gone green! That's right, almost every font on this site is now Green, in preparation for the greatest holiday on Earth, St. Patrick's Day. to support the Earth or some shit our wonderful Planet Earth!

Now you may be asking yourself a very serious questions right now. Why should I give a shit about the Earth? It's Bonus Time isn't it? If we're living on borrowed time, why do we care?

And those are very good questions! It's true, taking care of the Earth has typically been for nerds that just want to bitch about a subject that people will actually listen to (unlike their Star Wars collectibles), and it's a science fact that littering is ridiculously fun, and don't even get me started on burning garbage!

This monkey is smoking, which is cool. This monkey probably litters too.

So why should you give a shit about the Planet Earth. Well there's a simple math equation behind that friend, more time on Earth = More Bonus Time in general. And until we get our fleet of space ships up and going, we're gonna have to take care of this planet. It's because of this that I've decided to share some tips on help keeping the environment safe and clean.

• Destroy Homeless People

This first one is a surprisingly helpful tip. You see recycling is good, right? And all good little Boners out there separate their recycling from their regular trash. Now we all assume just because we go out and get our designer little blue bags, and put our recycling separate from our trash that it's going to get recycled. That's where you would be absolutely fucking wrong. You see as soon as you put your recycling out of the curb, it sends out a signal to all of the homeless in a 3 mile radius. There's fresh bottles for the taking, and it's time to feast.

You see putting out recyclables in the habitat of a homeless person is like putting blood in the water, just like a shark they're going to be all over it almost instantly. But Bonus Time, you may be saying, the homeless just take the bottles to get recycled themselves, they're helping. Well that's where you'd be wrong.

You see in our "Going Green" effort, Bonus Time has captured several feral homeless, and subjected them to a series of degrading, humiliating, and sub-human experiments. In our studies we have determined that homeless do not actually turn these bottles in, instead they feed off of them. You see it's only a healthy and constant diet of shredded glass that can properly keep a homeless persons insanity levels right where they want them, at their absolute peak.

It's also a common misconception that the physiology of a homeless person is similar to a regular human beings. Bonus Time scientists have also determined that this is not the case, and instead of disposing of waste the way regular, and hilarious way that other humans do, homeless create two completely separate bi-products when they're done eating your recycling; Green House Gas, and Anthrax. Anthrax that they then immediately trade to Al Quaida in exchange for cheap wine, and cardboard to make their signs out of.

That's right folks, not only are the homeless a threat to all of the Earth, but to America itself.

Next time you see a homeless peacefully passed out in a puddle of their own filth and biological weaponry, destroy them, with extreme prejudice.

That's your tip for today, check back soon because we'll have more tips for keeping Green as the Bonus Time winds on!