Lady Gaga's Pre-Clownie Days

I found the above video to be pretty funny, if you couldn't figure it out the red headed chick is lady gaga on boiling point before she joined the circus.

I'm not sure what her deal is to be completely honest, I'm not even sure I'd heard one of her songs until a friend made me watch her scarey performance at this years VMA's (I still have nightmares). But I've heard a lot of hilarious things about this chick (including that she has a penis) and she generally dresses like a complete asshole wherever she goes, so it's pretty funny to see her looking normal. I mean thus far I had assumed she had been raised either by wolves, beyond pluto, or in some kind of stupid future.

How does this relate to Bonus Time? I dunno, don't dress like a dickhead? Ahh wait I got it, no chicks with dicks.

The Wittiest

And The Lord Sayeth Onto Thee: Choppeth Some Copeths Hands Offeth

I spent a half hour trying to find a picture of a priest with an axe. Or at least someone missing their hands, I even looked for Deadpool missing his hands cause that's a shoe in, right? Wrong. Anyway, does someone wanna be my image editing bitch? I'm not going to pay you anything but I'll give you credit. It probably wouldn't be that many, maybe 1-2 a day? Tops? E-mail Bonustimes@gmail.com if you're interested. I can't photoshop for shit and I really wish that guy had at least a priest collar in that picture. Anyway, onto the article....

Before I start the alternate title to this post was "So My Pastor Is An Axe Murderer" but anyway....

Pastor Curtis Watts decided one day that he was a man of god, so he founded his own ministry down in good ol' Clay County Alabama.

Pastor Watts also decided one day to beat the shit out of his wife. We have to assume the decisions were unrelated.

So the cops came, and the Pastor was unruly, and by unruly I mean waiting in his kitchen with a rifle. So the cops decided to help the Pastor find his way back onto the path of piece, with the aid of three tazers to take the old fella down, impressive I know.

But the story doesn't end here, afterall I promised an Axe, and a cop getting maimed. When the police came back to the house to serve Pastor Watts with a retraining order from his wife, he was ready with a slightly more biblical weapon. This time Pastor Watts had an axe, and when the serving officer tried to tazer the man once again, Watts was ready. With what must have been one incredible swing Pastor Watts took the officers hand off. At this point officers accompanying the maimed police man opened fire on the Pastor, sending him off to Jesus.

A beautiful tale I know, but here's where it gets screwie. According to this article, the officers hand was sewn back on. This brings to light two questions.

• How exactly does that work? If Watts took the guys hand off, how was it re attached? I'm really not sure how this works, but I have to imagine the hand is no longer functional? At what angle and what kind of cut did Watts get on this guy?

• And two, why did he not opt for an Evil Dead chainsaw hand as opposed to the regular hand. If you're dealing with insane Pastors in Clay County Alabama one would hope that you learn your lesson the first time you get your hand chopped off. I'd come packing something more on the level next time, but maybe that's just me.

Hail to the king, baby.

Anyway, I definitely felt that this fell under the crazy fucking shit that goes on during Bonus Time section, hope you enjoyed it.

Iranian's Proving Young People Still Know More About Computers

Cyborg Steve Buscemi approves of this article.

The youth of Iran is taking to the internet to protest their oppressive government following the June 12th protests that ripped across the nation. And while their government has been doing all they can to stop them, the "hacktivists" are seemingly always one step ahead.

As show in this article, the youth are using twitter, videos, e-mail and the web to stand up against Ahmadinejad and the Iranian government. The government has responded by slowing down the internet, shutting down the websites that the hacktivists are creating, and arresting those who create the sites and try to organize protests.

And while journalists are forbidden to broadcast protests when they take place, these internet outlets have been helping to get the news out when it happens. Many Americans likely recall the cell phone video that was leaked from the country of 16 year old Neda Soltani being shot at what appeared to be a non violent protest. By shuffling websites, hosts, and even online identities the hacktivists are staying one step ahead of the Iranian government, as anti-Ahmandinejad groups feel that he is not the legitimate leader of the country, and are doing all they can to remove him from power. It may not seem like much, but it takes a hell of a lot of guts to be doing what these kids are doing, and hell it's getting the word out.

Hopefully things like this help establish freedom in the nation of Iran. Regardless of how you feel about the way this country is run sometimes, and our foreign policy, it's still a blessing for every one of us to live in the society that we do. We have more freedom then these people will ever know, and the simple fact that I'm able to write on this blog without fear of being dragged away to a secret prison, tortured, and killed, is a right that these people do not know. Fighting for these freedoms is one hell of a way to spend your Bonus Time, and these folks deserve any kind of (safe) exposure they can get. Give the rest of the article a read, it's a good one.

Paralyzed Rodents Learn to Walk Again

This is Rattrap, a transformer who has nothing to do with this article. He's here because I know if I don't give you guys at least one picture you lose your shit.

Scientists have discovered that a combination of drugs, low level electrical currents, and some good old fashioned exercise have somewhat restored the ability to walk in paralyzed rats. Apparantly for quite some time scientists have been working finding a solution for those who have nerve severing injuries in their spine that lead to paralysis. And while what they've discovered here isn't perfect, it's the next best thing.

According to the article (found here) the practice stimulates nerves that can generate rhythmic activity (walking) without the brain's input. The work around has always been however that while this seems to get muscles twitching in the legs, there was never clear and defined walking going on. This latest experiment seems to have figured that out, at least in rats. Although it's still fairly early in testing, and the rodents could not move without the combination of drugs / electrical currents, it's still a hell of a break through int his kind of thing. On top of all this scientists found that with regular exercise, the rats had greater range of movement and were able to walk backwards, sideways, and even eventually run.

How's that for Bonus Time? One day you can't walk, the next you've got a battery pack on your ass, and you're shooting serotonin into your spine to get you walking again. While this hasn't been tested (at least to our knowledge) on humans yet, who says such a thing is out of the realm of possibilities. After all, it's Bonus Time!

Bonus Time Events

So on Facebook we've got a section where it's Bonus related events that have taken place in the years prior to Bonus Time beginning.  They're all contained in a giant list, in a section a lot of people probably naturally wouldn't click on.  What does this mean?  We're reposting it on the blog, because no one's probably ever read all of them.  I'm gonna do this year by year though, so it's a little easier to handle.  This should give you the reader a little more insight into what's been special about the last 9 years, and help you live your life to it's most Bonus stuffed potential.

Because it would be wierd to start with 2005, we're going to start with 2000:

2000
International Year for the Culture of Peace

January 1 – The world enters Y2K without serious, widespread computer failures, despite fears to the contrary.  Bonus Time begins.

February 13 – The final original Peanuts comic strip is published, following the death of its creator, Charles Schulz.

March 1 – The Constitution of Finland is rewritten.

April 22 – In a predawn raid, federal agents seize 6-year old Elián González from his relatives' home in Miami, Florida and fly him to his Cuban father in Washington, DC, ending one of the most publicized custody battles in U.S. history.

May 11 – The billionth living person in India is born.

June 26 – A preliminary draft of genomes, as part of the Human Genome Project, is finished.

July 2 – France beats Italy 2-1 to win Euro 2000 with a golden goal.

August 8 – The Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor.

September 14 – Microsoft releases Windows ME.

October 31 - DJ Screw's last Halloween.

December 31 – The Millennium Dome closes its doors one year to the day of its opening.

That wasn't that bad, was it?