Anyway, in the interim I've decided to give you little bits and pieces, and I've got this conversation between my friend Shane and I to share with you (note I have a countdown as my gchat "status" that is at 85 today)
I'll be putting up Shane's original piece shortly, and feeding you more bullshit news after that. Yay for Bonus Time
shane: 84?
83?
me: In two days yes
shane: what are you countingdown?
me: secret
shane: shit
me: suffice to say you're going to die when it hits 0
figured as much
me: mmhmmmmmmm
shane: how?
how will I go?
me: comet
pretty bad ass way to go
shane: does it hit just me? or is it a planetary thing?
me: pretty much just you
but then like radiation
and clouds of dust
that kills everyone else
shane: so I'll die painlessly, while everyone else will die miserably
?
perfect
me: no well
because it's a comet you actually don't die
you're slowly digested over thousands of years
like the pit in star wars that you have no idea about
shane: oh true
damn
me: yeah
i hope that doesn't mess up your tuesday
it's still a bad ass way to go
shane: I'll be a human blak hole
no it's just like all the other tuesdays
Sent at 1:09 PM on Tuesday
me: nice
well just keep watching the countdown
because that could be what happens then
i'm gonna go look for lunch though
shane: ok.. if something happens to me at the end of your little g-countdown.. I hope you feel guilty as fuck!
Sent at 1:11 PM on Tuesday
shane: sent you something
me: is this
wow
okay
Sent at 3:40 PM on Tuesday
me: this is good
and I'm glad you're so concerned over what is clearly a pressing issue to all of man kind
shane: um yea
so you want to donate to me?
so I can afford it?
me: afford?
oh moon water
yeah i'll buy you a glass someday
shane: I appreciate it
did I send you the songs I recorded with Jay?
me: uh uh
also
I kinda don't want to tell you this
because it's an even more freightening picture
but you don't realize how they're going to get the water out of the moon do you ?
shane: tell me
me: well it's not actually frozen inside the moon
shane: where is it
me: back in the old days before the atmosphere formed there used to be something called reverse rain
where rain would be exchanged between the Earth and the Moon
During these times the water was spread across the surface of the moon into the soil, and that's just kinda where it still is
The molecules of water are spread across the entire surface of the moon
shane: jesus christ
me: when you look at the moon you see the water
shane: holy shit
me: It's just so tiny that you can't see it
shane: that's incredible
well fuck
me: Yeah
(that part about how it's spread out actually is true)
So uhhh
You know how they got the first water right?
shane: not exactly... I was too upset to read
me: Oh okay
So they launched a satelite into the surface of the moon
shane: yes yes I know this
me: Which sent a plume of debris up into the sky which they could see blah blah
What they're gonna do is unveil their gravity canon that they've built in the north pole
and then begin to launch all of the world's satelites into the moon
shane: fuck
me: and then it's gonna reverse reverse moon
I mean reverse reverse rain
shane: wow
and flood the moon
me: and that's the fucked up part cause what most people don't realize is that the moon isn't actually a sruface
surface*
it's actually thousands of tiny water bears huddled around one giant waterbear
so what you're going to do is A) Rain ultra heated pissed off water bears down onto the Earth
shane: oh yea I know of these water bears
me: and then B) wake up mamma waterbear and face hear wrath
yeah see it's not actually water on the moon
that's why it's molecular
it's water bears
some asshole at NASA Made a spelling error and rain with it cause it got printed and people were excitecd
shane: oh yea.. no I knew that.. I was using my creative license there.. but I wasn't aware of the rain thing
me: Well yeah what it's gonna do is rain the little water bear carcasses down onto Earth
which is like fuck
you're done
shane: so done
me: and then mama waterbear is gonna completely devour the Earth's oceans
to create new babies
shane: will they expand in our gravity?
maybe in time for the thanksgiving day paradE?
me: no they'll just make us all really sad with their mind powers
shane: fuck!
me: so that we won't see it when mama water bear comes
shane: we're done
me: and sucks all of our brains out
shane: that's what we get
is that what you are counting down?
me: I'm afraid I can't hide it any longer
Yes that's what I am counting down
I'm sorry I didn't want to make you really sad by revealing it before hand
shane: no at least I know
thank you
I'm not completely ruined
me: It's better this way
shane: but a piece of me is already dead
it is
me: Sucked dry like so many oranges
your future cut short before it even started
shane: great
seriously
reverse oranged
me: I'm putting this whole convo on Bonus Time
you've inspired me to start the blog again Shane and I thank you for that
shane: yes!
